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Turning To God

             Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. (Psalm 139:23-24)

            But he knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold. (Job 23:10)

 

            There is a scene in Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court (Mark Twain) in which King Arthur carries a child with Scarlet Fever to her mother so that the mother can be with her when the child dies. The Connecticut Yankee waxes almost poetic about how courageous, noble, and kingly the king seemed to be to him. This was chivalry and manhood in all its glory. As far as I’m concerned, suffering through the rest of the story was worth it for that scene.

            I have the same sense about this last passage in Psalm 139 and the well-known verse from Job. Here is David, turning from scolding bloodthirsty folks back to God and making his second request of the prayer. The first was his request that God would slay the wicked. I don’t find any clues as to when David wrote this, but I wonder if he didn’t start hearing another song as he scolded: “Saul has slain his thousands, and David his tens of thousands.” Even his request that God would kill the wicked shows a measure of bloodthirstiness. Did he realize that he wasn’t blameless when it came to shedding blood?

            Whatever the reason, it is as if David finished his rant at the wicked, turned to God, and flung himself on the ground for this second request. “Search me… try me… see if there is any wicked way in me…lead me.” I’ve prayed those words out loud, struggled with them, and wept my way through them. To surrender that fully, especially knowing that God may see him as being just as wicked as the people at whom he ranted. But based on what he said before, he can surrender and submit, trusting that what God does will be like what God has done. 

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