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Loving:


          Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. (I John 4:7-10)

          Why did John have to spend so much time talking about our loving one another? Were there one or two nasty, power-hungry control freaks causing trouble among 99% wonderful, loving, considerate, tolerant folks? That’s never been my experience. Oh, the power-hungry control-freaks are there sometimes, but the need to be reminded, and reminded, and reminded about love doesn’t come from there. The problem isn’t just with a couple folks, but with all of us. We all need to be reminded.
          A scene from a week or so ago comes to mind. A man came to the dog park with his dog and kids. He’s been there once before, and one of my friends and I were polite, exchanging small-talk as needed, but not effusive. Another of my friends showed up and ten seconds later (maybe that’s exaggerated) she was talking to him. Soon, she was talking sports with his son. I later informed her that she is SUCH a people person.
          It’s amazing to watch people people, probably because I’m not one. If I were, that would all be normal. Often, people people are considered as being loving, and non-people people are considered unloving and cold. I don’t think that’s really the way to define love. According to Gary Chapman, there are five different ways that love can be expressed.
          I took his test years ago, and learned that my strongest love language was words of affirmation. I just took the test again and discovered that it is now acts of service. I don’t think I’ve changed, but my circumstances have. Acts of service are required from me and someone else doing something to help helps. At the same time, I refuse help more often than not. It gets complicated. The point is, however, that “Hey, let me spend time talking to you and focusing on you” isn’t my forte, especially when I have someone else I love who needs it “more than you do.” Not trying to be nasty here – the point is that different people love differently, and I’m not sure that circumstances don’t change how we love or what love we need. (I’d love to see a study of how the personality types and love languages do or don’t work together.)
          The point should not be about how we love, but about whether we love, but when your love language is giving gifts, and you’re in a relationship with someone whose love language is acts of service, it’s not that you aren’t being loved

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