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Not My Will, But Thine, Oh Lord


                The word of the LORD came to me, saying, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” 
            “Ah, Sovereign LORD,” I said, “I do not know how to speak; I am only a child.” 
               But the LORD said to me, “Do not say, ‘I am only a child.’ You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you. Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you,” declares the LORD. Then the LORD reached out his hand and touched my mouth and said to me, “Now, I have put my words in your mouth. See, today I appoint you over nations and kingdoms to uproot and tear down, to destroy and overthrow, to build and to plant.” (Jeremiah 1:4-10) 

             I am Jeremiah. Maybe you're Jeremiah, too. When someone comes to me with a request or assignment, I tend to pull back. "I don't know..." and "I am just (only)..." and "I'm not a...." I tend to be so sure that I'm going to fail. I'm very aware of how little I know about so much.  My comfort zone is wildly erratic and elastic. There are some areas where I seem to be able to really stretch without any pain, and other areas in which is smaller than my big toe. I could also say that I'm Moses, Gideon, or Esther. There's always some reason why I can't possibly do what God has called me to do. 
           The answer each of these excuse-givers gets isn't "It's OK, I wouldn't have called you to do it if you weren't able." It wasn't "OK, I'll go find someone else." It is "You must go..." and "you must say...." He doesn't even promise things will go well. He makes it clear that things won't go well because He's already got rescuing you planned.
           I'm in the middle of one uncomfortable time as I try to write my story. In three weeks, I'm going back to Erie and probably looking for a summer job. I think I'd rather lie on a bed of nails than look for  a job. I know my perspective is bad, but I can't imagine why anyone would want to hire me. What makes it worse is that I have it in my head that I'd like that job to involve my learning to do something practical. I'm not sure what that is, but very likely, it's not the sort of thing people want to hire 55 year old women with no experience to do.          I don't know where God is leading at the moment, and yet He has said, "Come." Pretty soon, it will be time to get out of the boat, without a promise from God that I won't sink. I'm starting to practice:

            "Amen, Lord."

            "Not my will, but Thine, Oh Lord."

            "Wisdom, Direction and Attitude, Lord."

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