Beginnings are messy affairs, with
sporadic excitement punctuating longer intervals of apparent nothingness. You
rush to the starting line and take your stance, then wait for the gun. That is
when the preparation for the race ends and the race itself begins. They say
that a journey begins with a single step, but before that step is taken, bags
are packed, routes are planned,
arrangements made. Relationships and even life begin sometimes with great enthusiasm, sometimes unnoticed, and then
suddenly are recognized and later till given official status. We like to think that
beginnings are a very specific moment in time, but that is just our arrogant
grasping for control.
And so
with a moderate level of arrogance, a larger dose of trepidation and maybe some
humility, I say, "and so it begins." it may have begun when my
brother died, or even years before. It may have begun before time began. It
could be said not to begin until we are on the road to Florida, or even not
until we set up housekeeping. At the
very least, today marks the effective end of my life at Sears, at least for
now. I am walking up to the starting line and eyeing the course. I am looking
at my shadow at my door, wondering whether I will be Frodo, or perhaps merely
the one who diminishes and goes to the [South] so that the One whose story this
really may be the hero that He is, Will
I be the one who tilts at windmills, or merely the comedic, down-to-earth sidekick
who wishes for visions? I cannot know. I
dare not even guess for fear that anticipation will lead to disappointment and
disillusionment. I can say only that He knows the plans He has for me...plans
for welfare and not for calamity to give me a future and a hope, no matter how dark
it may seem along the way or how large the wind and waves, boisterous.
And so
it begins....
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