“Whoever
corrects a mocker invites insult; whoever rebukes a wicked man incurs abuse. Do
not rebuke a mocker or he will hate you; rebuke a wise man and he will love
you. Instruct a wise man and he will be wiser still; teach a righteous man and
he will add to his learning. (Proverbs 9:7-9)
Let
me begin with a public service announcement. My blog posting on Friday and Saturday
may be disrupted. We’ve reached the time for migration. I hope that it all goes
smoothly and that I can post. If not, by Sunday things should be back to what I
call normal. I apologize for any inconvenience.
Now.
how do I address today’s passage without appearing to rant? I don’t know of any
way. One of the first rules of debate, known since the time of Aristotle, is
that attacks against the person means your argument is invalid. Solomon is
agreeing here. Mockers insult. Wicked men abuse the one who rebukes them. The
moment you start calling names, diagnosing mental illness or insufficiency, or
passing judgment on the person, you have
failed. Your arguments are garbage. The person with whom you are arguing may be
as insane, stupid, or wicked as you proclaim them to be, but that doesn’t mean
they are wrong about what they’re saying. Ridicule and rejection are not proof
that you are right.
This
is why I try not to attack people in my arguments. I try not to discuss
homosexuals (who among other things, are a diverse group of individuals who should
not be treated as a homogeneous collective.) I admit that I discuss Liberals as
a group of people who actually believe Liberal philosophy as it is being taught
now. I’m working on that. I like and even love liberal people. I loathe
Liberalism because it is the teaching of the World, not of Scripture. It hates
Scripture except as a means of manipulating others. I might be wrong about
that, but those who attempt to prove that to me never offer any real evidence,
they just start calling me names.
I
not only need to be better about how I argue, but I need to learn to be better
about shutting down an argument in which either side resorts to mockery and
abuse. Psychology Today has posted an article about gaslighting. Here
are some of the things our discussions need to avoid:
1..
Blatant lies. I’m going to differentiate this from mistakes and errors. We all need to
fact-check better, but gaslighting involves telling lies that one knows to be
lies
2.
They deny they ever said something, even though you have proof. I’ve been
known to keep copies of online discussions, and been able to quote the other
person by copying and pasting, and been told that I am lying.
3.
They use what is near and dear to you as ammunition.
4. They wear you down
over time.
5. Their actions do
not match their words.
6. They throw in
positive reinforcement to confuse you.
7. They know confusion
weakens people.
8. They project. This
means that (for example) if they use drugs and you do not, they accuse you of
being the addict.
9. They try to align
people against you.
10. They tell you or
others that you are crazy.
11. They tell you
everyone else is a liar.
And don’t be mistaken,
we all gaslight to some extent. The goal is to recognize it in others and in
ourselves, and to walk away.
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