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Two Faces


Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. (James 1:22-24)
            Total Truth spends a lot of time on the idea that we have been taught to live in two stories (as in a house), or in two stories (as in a book), or in two worlds. Even scientists face this issue. They proclaim that we are basically organic computers responding to biochemical commands, then they go home and tell their wives and children that they love them and truly believe that it has a meaning beyond electrical impulses and chemicals. They admit that this happens and that they can’t stop leaping to that second story, even if they actually wanted to (which they don’t.)
                I’ve struggled with this for years, only in reverse. The idea is that the lower floor represents reality, science, facts, reason, etc., and the upper level represents faith, belief, values, etc. Most people would say that the lower story is where real living takes place. It’s where society resides. But during all the time I was working, possibly including when I was taking care of my father, there was always a sense in which that work was not what I considered the real or important part of my life. Maybe it’s because I’m an introvert, but it was when I left work that my day began.
               Maybe that’s not an unusual feeling. I know there are a lot of people who can’t wait for work to be done so they can go kick back, drink, watch TV, and relax, but I haven’t thought in those terms either. But what I did with my away-from-work-real-life isn’t really the significant thing. What is the significant thing is that I kept them separate – sometimes very separate. When there was a conflict between the two, at least sometimes I fought pretty hard to maintain the private virtues and values. 
               But I can’t say I was the same person at work that I was at home. It was as James described. I’d look in the mirror and see the work-person and when I got home, I became someone else. Or, I’d see the free person, and go to work and become the slave. I’m not quite as unfortunate as some, who act as an elder in their church then go to work and find ways to break contracts (an example Nancy Pearcey provided.) 
               I suppose some people would say that all I’m talking about is adulting. When I’m at home, I don’t adult, and when I was at work, I did, but I don’t agree. I adult in both places. I wore a mask at work. I still wear masks in public. I still have the sense that I have to fight for my rights because no one else will, and that I daren’t show weakness. Not what I consider weakness, anyway. Maybe that’s not quite what Nancy Pearcey had in mind when she wrote Total Truth, but I have to wonder if this variation on the imposter syndrome is part of it.

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