Doing To Others

             So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets. (Matthew 7:12)

          Let’s hypothesize something that happens but push it out to some silliness. Someone is walking toward you, and you remember the golden rule. How do you want them to treat you? Ignore you? Nod, wave, or give one of those meaningless greetings to which you can reply with equal banality? Gasp and give you a hug? Invite you out to coffee? OK-we’ll keep the rating at G. In the 1.274 seconds you have before you meet, you have to consider every possible option of how you’d like to be treated, choose one, come up with your own application toward them, and hope you chose wisely. Is it any wonder that most of the time, we look down, or nod, or otherwise acknowledge that there is a body there – but not a person, and above all else, not a valuable person?

          Decades ago, I realized that my typical response to “How are you?” was something along the lines of “Well, I’m here” or “I’m alive.” Whatever I said, it sounded like Eeyore. I also realized that what I said was a matter of habit.  I picked a positive response carefully. I could not say “Wonderful” because that would imply that I was arrogantly attributing a status to myself: “I’m wonderful!”  (Gag.) To make sure I didn’t lead others to that conclusion, I taught myself to say, “(I’m) doing wonderfully.” The point here is not how I respond, as I have trained myself to answer.

          How would you like people to treat you? How do I want them to treat me? I suspect our answers are a little bipolar. In my case, I want them to consider me to be a valuable, intelligent individual. At the same time, I want them to not consider me at all. I want to be invisible. There’s both a good and a bad side to the invisibility, but I suspect that most of the time, it’s so I don’t have to take the time or make an effort to deal with them as people or to endure their disappointment or disapproval. Again, the point isn’t the extent of my social handicaps. If you put the way I treat people together with how I want to be treated, it’s pretty clear that I’ve built a habit around the negative response.

          My dog’s habit is at the other end. Grace is excited to see everyone (except vet employees. She wiggles, jumps, dances, rolls on her back so they can rub her belly, and even whines and barks – sometimes over a distance. They are likely to talk to her, or (better option) pet her, or (best option) give her treats! And if you don’t, well, that person over there will. I have often said that at least half of my friendships in Florida were her fault.

          That brings us back to the question: How do you want people to treat you? Brainstorm. Don’t be surprised if your answer has positives and negatives. Don’t judge until after you have a whole bunch of answers, then, group them and even rank them. What are the top three things on your list? How would someone convey that message to you? You might find that one action fits more than one message. Pick that action and build that habit.

          Off the top of my head, my response is “stop, look, and listen.” I’m terrified that someone might focus on me for five seconds (or more) but these words seem to encapsulate what I want others to do to me. I want to exist to them. I want them to pay attention, if not to me, then to what I say or write. I want them to benefit from what I say. It’s not quite approval. They don’t need to agree.

          And if that is (part of) what I want them to do to me, it is how I should treat them. I doubt I do. But here’s where we go back to habits. What could you do that would help you to become the sort of person who does any of what you’ve listed? And- who does it without thinking about it because it’s a habit?