Cold Feet

             Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd. After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. Later that night, he was there alone, and the boat was already a considerable distance from land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it.

Shortly before dawn Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear.

But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”

“Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”

“Come,” he said.

Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”

Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”

And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.” (Matthew 14:22-33)

 

            You’re on a boat on a storm big lake. You either are a fisherman or are with fishermen who know just how dangerous the situation is. You’ve all been doing all you can and you’re all tired. Then, someone sees something coming toward you from the west and it’s gaining on you. Worse, it doesn’t look like a ship. It looks like a walking man. Logic and illogic collide. “It’s a ghost!”

            Then they hear a familiar voice and the next thing you know, Peter’s asking to be allowed to walk on the water, too.

I don’t know about you, but I want to point out to Peter that if he asked a ghost, which wouldn’t have Peter’s best interest at heart, what he’d just asked this “ghost,” what did he think the ghost would say? But Peter leaps out anyway, and does walk, until, like Wylie E. Coyote, he looks around, realizes he’s run off the cliff and gravity works.

            Last night, I think I officially looked around and realized that I’d run off the cliff. It’s not a big cliff, probably only a foot. I could have stepped off of it and landed safely. But, the place where I’m living is all but legally not mine. I really have no choice but to leave. It’s not that I don’t want to leave. There’s a life ahead that I am looking forward to more than I’m regretting losing the life I have here, but it’s real-er. It will be real-est when I drive away.

            But part of my prayer last night had to do with God having told me to leave here. I believe He did, and that He confirmed it in a number of ways. But the thought that followed, “You told me…” was “Didn’t You?”

“Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”

But wouldn’t a ghost tell me to come? Isn’t it possible that this is a mistake on my part? It doesn’t matter now, because the deed is done. I’m standing on the water. I’ve sacrificed something I thought would be part of my life for many years to come, and God didn’t provide a ram in the thicket. That’s OK. If I’ve made a mistake (and there is nothing about this except my overthinking that gives me any hint that I might have) then I’ve made a mistake. But last night, that was part of the issue.

Years ago, my father and I were shopping for a car and had it down to two. I asked his opinion, and he wouldn’t tell me which to get. After discussing it for a while, I realized that we were both caught in traps of our own making. Dad didn’t want to make any decision (or perhaps any decision for me) and I didn’t want to make the wrong decision (or the wrong decision according to him.) I reframed the question: “If you were getting one or the other for you, which would you get?” He told me, and that’s what we got. I never regretted that decision, but that’s a point I reach in most big decisions: I get stuck because I don’t want to make a wrong decision.

What if the “ghost” isn’t Jesus? Well, my feet are now wet, not cold.