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Regrets


                In case it has not been clear, I didn't want to come to Florida for the winter. As I've told people, Florida is too hot, too flat, too muggy, too buggy, too sandy and it has critters that will eat my dog.  The idea of living in a 37 foot motor home build in 1988 for 6 months with my father and my Shiba is not exciting. The prospect of either living in a garbage dump of a park, or in a "gated community" with ten thousand rules enforced by storm troopers doesn't make my day.  This was not to be a trip in which I was going to lie around the pool or do the tourist thing. There are lots of other details that make this a less than desirable choice of living situations. I feel like I'm being a broken record, but it is the context in which anything I say has to be understood.

                Over the past week, I have walked 5 miles per day every day except Sunday. More importantly, Dad has walked more days than he has not walked. It's not far - the personal record is 0.2 miles, but it's a start. He has spent time sitting outside in our lawn chairs, holding on to Grace's long-lead and has thrown a ball for her to chase. When he's inside, more often than not, Grace is near him or on him, being petted. I fully believe that if he had come on his own,  he would have ended up in the garbage dump of a park, and would have spent all day sitting around in the motor home, interacting with no one, doing nothing,

           We've only been here a week, and certainly things are not completely settled.  Yet as I consider what this means for Dad (even if he doesn't realize or admit it) I find myself in what seems to me to be a very strange place. Even with all the negatives that I've mentioned and the difficulties I've faced, I do not regret  doing coming south. Perhaps that should not surprise me, because I have had the sense all along that this was God's will.

        Over the years, when I've sensed and followed God's leading, I have not felt regret.  That doesn't mean the way has been easy. Sometimes, it's been easier than I expected it to be, but that doesn't mean it was easy. Maybe it's been easier is because I'm not carrying around a burden of regret. It's like realizing suddenly that the pain you have felt for what seems like forever  is gone. When did it disappear? You don't know, but it's not there. In a way, it's confusing. What do you do when you can do? Where do you start? Especially, where do you start so that you don't mess up and end up regretting? It's freeing but that means it's frightening. It feels as if the way has been cleared for me to move forward in a way that has not seemed clear for a long time. I don't want to waste it, but I think that for today, I am going to take some time to just not feel regret.
       I'll add as a quick addendum that I've had a couple friends read the article I'm working on, and I'm almost done with the revisions that inspired. While my friends have it again, I'm going to start looking for publishers. That's a scary prospect.

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