Trust

           Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you. (Isaiah 46:4)

           You know how you can be going along, doing your thing without a care in the world, and you read, see, or hear something that sends you into a tailspin? Over the past few weeks, I’ve added to my gardening space for next year. I’ve added quite a bit, and I’ve had a few twinges of “What am I doing? Do I realize how much work I’m giving myself? How am I going to keep up with all these 10, 15, or 30 years from now? I should be cutting back, reducing to the absolute minimum, moving into a place that has staff to take care of things for me.”

          And then I come across this verse, to which my response isn’t “What a wonderful God!” but even more of the thoughts from the previous paragraph. I need to cut back, retract from life and the world, simply down to needing, wanting, doing nothing. A conversation with someone this morning is an example. I met another Shiba owner, and she talked about not being able to ever get another kind of dog because Shibas are just perfect. I understand her feeling, but I told her that in ten years or so, when Grace leaves me, I may not be able to handle a 20 lb. dog. I might have to scale back to a Yorkie, or a Pom, or some tiny thing or – and I dread it – not have any dog. Another dread, that I will become my father – that I will collapse in on myself, whether because of dementia or despair.

          In Romans, Paul wrote about not knowing sin until the Law was given. Today’s verse is like that. The moment I read it, instead of rejoicing, I grow anxious. Instead of trusting God, I find myself fearing the journey ahead of me. Today’s passage is about God’s trustworthiness and it reveals my untrustworthiness, and my lack of trust…for as long as I permit my thoughts to go where they will, and for as long as I focus on the circumstances: the gray hair, the need for sustenance and rescue, the weakness that results in the need to be carried… and not on the God who has made the promises.

          Remember Frost’s poem about the road less traveled? The road less traveled makes all the difference, but the road less traveled tends to require more effort. When we come to a worry like, “What am I going to do when I turn into a Lexus (LXX, the Roman numeral for 70, or L-Xes), the road less traveled is the one that takes concentration and effort, the one that looks to God instead of looking at the circumstances. Trust is active, not passive. It takes attention and effort. It is as hard as exercising regularly, eating right, drinking enough water, and getting enough sleep. And it is as vital to your health as any of those.