Skip to main content

Group Forgiveness

             Now instead, you ought to forgive and comfort him, so that he will not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. I urge you, therefore, to reaffirm your love for him. (II Corinthians 2:7-8)

 

            We don’t do forgiveness well, but today’s verses highlight an area of particular weakness. Paul was told about a man who was sleeping with his father’s wife, and the church was proud of it. Paul corrected them and told them how to deal with him and his stepmother. Apparently, the church had responded – possibly a little too vigorously. He had repented, but they were maintaining their distance from him. Even more than individual forgiveness, group (family, church, society) discipline and forgiveness are a challenge.

            Part of the problem is that discipline and forgiveness are similar to the Kubler-Ross Five Stages of Grief. With a situation needing discipline, there is denial, anger, bargaining, and depression, and not all members of the group are in the same place at the same time. The fifth stage of the Kubler-Ross paradigm is acceptance, which is a nice parallel to forgiveness.

             The person to be disciplined faces his/her own struggle. This is further complicated by larger groups that also think themselves involved in the discipline, even if they aren’t. No, group discipline and forgiveness isn’t easy. It’s messy, and often poorly handled.

            But once the person has repented and done what was necessary, it doesn’t seem unusual for the church to have no process in place to reintegrate the person into their midst. If there is forgiveness, there is little in terms of comfort. The person who has somehow failed (whether through sin or misunderstanding) is disciplined and then gently told, effectively, to go sit off to the side somewhere  where no one will notice them. Reintegration, forgiveness, and acceptance are slow and often much quieter than the discipline was.

                There may be cases when reintegration isn’t possible, and adjustments must be made, but making that the rule rather than the exception seems to fall short of what Paul described.

 

 

 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

"Especially to those who belong to the family of believers."

Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers. (Gal 6:10)   “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.   By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” (John 13:34-35)           Joshua grinned when he saw Rex standing by the door, studying something on the ground. "Hey, man! Are we ready to do this thing?"          Rex looked up. "Josh, I can't do it. We're still best buds, but I can't stand your fiancée."           I've met "Rex" many times. I've been Rex. Joshua (Jesus) loves the Church. He's not a fool. He knows the Church is far from perfect, but she is His chosen bride. The Rexes of this world, who think themselves His friend, turn away from her. "You don't need the Church to...
Post a Comment
Read more

Ssssssubmmissssssionnn

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ . (Ephesians 5:21)             "Ssssssubmmisssssssionnn." Can't you just hear the serpent hissing this most horrible of words? If you listen to the serpent or the world, submission means groveling, allowing yourself to be abused, denying yourself your own humanity. Nothing could be worse than submission, could it?             Submission has never been a problem for me, as long as things are going the way I want them to. The rest of the time? Well, let's just say that while I don't know how to fight physically, I don't know how to not fight mentally. One of the fights I've been having with myself for years is about submission.             My first breakthrough took place on a trip to a bookstore. As I walked into the store, my thoughts were very clear. 1) I was goi...
Post a Comment
Read more

Shark Fins, Triple Dog Dares, Heroes, Villains and Sidekicks

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12)            There's a scene in Jaws in which someone sees a shark fin and starts a panic. As   all the swimmers scramble to shore, boats surround the fin, which falls over to reveal two kids. With several guns pointed at them, one of the kids points at the other. The message is clear: it was his idea. In Christmas Story, there's a scene in which one kid "triple dog dares" another to do something stupid. Since it's a triple dog dare, well, what choice does the boy have? There doesn't seem to be any end to the trouble that peer pressure can cause. ...
Post a Comment
Read more