Fathers

             Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. (Ephesians6:4)

The verse above was the verse of the day on my Bible platform. I tend to try to avoid “how to” messages around holidays, but this one showed up halfway between Father’s Day and my father’s birthday, so here we go.

Let’s start with definitions. Exasperate comes from Latin terms meaning “out of” and “rough,” though I tend to think of it more along the lines of “out of” and “breath.” In both cases, there is a sense that fathers should not be rough on their kids, or leave them breathless. This glasshouse is big enough to hold us all.

Yesterday morning, a friend shared a meme about overprotective parents having been under-protected when they were kids. According to the generational theories of Strauss and Howe (Generations, The Fourth Turning, etc.) this is true. A generation tries to correct the mistakes made by its parents by running in the opposite direction and making the opposite mistake.

The training and instruction of the Lord is a better answer if used correctly and not merely as a means to power. The training and instruction of the Lord involves principles, not dominance, bullying, and shaming. In fact, it includes the golden rule – treating your children the way you want to be treated (not only by them, but in general.) Yes, I know, there are some cases in which adults need to step in swiftly and forcefully, but those should be the exception, not the rule. Yes, I know, there are differences in experience, maturity, and levels of comprehension. Don’t blame your kids for your behavior. Keep this in mind that the following is the example to follow:

Then the Lord came down in the cloud and stood there with him and proclaimed his name, the Lord. And he passed in front of Moses, proclaiming,

“The Lord, the Lord, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin. Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children and their children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation.” (Exodus 34:5-7)