I always thank my God for you because of his grace given you in Christ Jesus. For in him you have been enriched in every way—with all kinds of speech and with all knowledge— (I Corinthians 1:4-5)
I read
this verse in the middle of the night, and thought, “Oh, those proud
Corinthians, I don’t have anything to say about this passage.” This morning as
I looked at it again, I thought, “Ugh. I haven’t been enriched that way.” The green-eyed
dragon peeks out from behind my eyes. It doesn’t help that most of the
non-cashiers I work with are far more knowledgeable and/or skilled than I am.
While I made wreaths, they were decorating them and/or talking about floral
breeding programs and sideline businesses they’ve done. Don’t get me wrong, I’m
honored to work with them and I’m thrilled to be learning how to make wreaths,
but yesterday, I walked away feeling like the charity case that they keep
around to do the work they don’t want to. (Lies…lies…)
What it
boils down to is that I’m such a Corinthian. While Timothy had to be encouraged
to use his gifts, the Corinthians were show-and-tell, and the thing they
seemed to think deserved the most tremendous applause was tongues. Lots of “Look at me!” Lots of green-eyed
dragons are peeking. Lots of “Not Good Enough” lies are being whispered.
But Paul
thanked God for the speech (gifts?) and the knowledge God had given the Corinthians.
Later in the book, he corrected their bad focus. But here, he seems to thank God
for the very things that he growls about later. The same blessings they were
given are also the sources of their struggles and failures. And I can relate. The
things that I try to grasp to make myself feel valuable, the things
that I think I would thank God if I had them, are the very things that trip me
up.
I whine
because I’m not smart enough, talented enough, but the key here is the “enough.”
Just because I’m not Dr. Younghoon Kim (“officially” the most intelligent man in the
world) doesn't mean I have an IQ of 1. Just because my coworkers know
things and have done things I admire doesn’t mean that I have nothing to contribute.
While I’m thinking all-or-nothing, black or white, that’s bad thinking.
And as
usual, what I’ve written isn’t for pity. It’s also an invitation for you to
consider yourself. I need to thank God for the things He’s given me, rather than making them a point of pride. I suspect this is human nature, so
what are the things you are tempted to say “Not good enough” about? Talk to God
about them. Are you listening to lies, too? Do you have a green-eyed dragon? Is
“Not Good Enough” one of your demons? Talk to God about them.
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