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Out Of Control


We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree with that the law is good. As it is, is it no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do -- this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but  it is sin living in me that does it. (Romans 7:14-20)

          I hate to be out of control, and I feel out of control almost all the time. It’s not quite as bad when my surroundings are a pit chaotic, if I’m not looking for something. What really bothers me is the internal. Much of my internal life either looks like a hurricane is blowing through, or someone’s monkeys got loose, and I think they’re the type with wings.
         I want to maintain a healthy weight, be kind and helpful to my father and everyone else I meet, to love well and to do what’s right. Then Dad says “Get us some sliders and shakes for dinner.” Then there are the times when someone makes a decision that has a major influence on my life and plans without consulting me. There’s nothing worse than someone else taking me off the throne of my out-of-control life, even what that someone else is me.
         Can you relate to Paul as well as I can? I want to do good. I don’t want to do bad…but there I go again. I often complain to God, “I’ve got to get a grip,” and He has said more than once, “No, you don’t. You need to let go.” So I struggle, and sometimes let go a little bit, and I think I’m getting worse but the truth is that God is at work.

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