Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them. (Proverbs 13:24)
I’ll come back to some earlier verses, but this one is easy for me to write about. To begin… There are those who strike their children for the benefit of the striker, as an expression of anger or pain. I can understand that. There are times when I would like to strike out, to injure and punish people who have made me angry. That’s one of the reasons I don’t like to get angry. I haven’t beaten anyone. I don’t condone beating anyone. But I understand. On the other hand, there are those who discipline their children, including by spanking, who are not expressing their anger. They are teaching their children.
Last night at the laundry mat, a mother of three (one in a “backpack” harness.) The unrestrained children were being children. They were running around, shouting, one leaned in close to see what I was doing on my laptop. (“Boring! Nothing but words.”) The mother kept trying to explain to her children what she wanted, explain how frustrated she was getting because they wouldn’t stop running, wouldn’t stop making noise, wouldn’t stop getting out of her sight, etc. The kids, being kids, didn’t understand, but never once did she enforce what she wanted. THIS is how we’re told it’s supposed to be done. Never a hard word, always calm, quiet, reasonable. Anything else is abusive.
I’m not saying the kids needed to be spanked. They were just being kids. All I’m saying is that the form of discipline she was using was not effective. It was perfect form for a “How to Have an Argument” video, perhaps, but it was lost on the kids. What’s more, I find myself wondering how much her expressions of frustration to them were for their benefit, to teach them how to behave, and how much they were for her benefit, showing how good a mother she is to everyone around, while her children really gain nothing from the interaction.
I’m not suggesting that this woman actively and according to her own definition hates her children. But it’s possible that she hates them in what she does to and with them even though she thinks she’s loving. Her hope, no doubt, is that through her reasonableness, her children will be reasonable, and somehow the whole world will be reasonable. After all, she’s “entitled” to it. Her children are entitled to it. We’re all entitled to a world that goes along just as we “reasonably” believe it should, without anyone ever enforcing their own will over someone else.
In my own experience, people respond to different forms of discipline in different manners. I don’t recall being spanked very often. That might be because I don’t tend to remember the vast majority of the day to day events of my life. Some would say that I was spoiled rotten. That may be another reason I don’t recall being spanked. I doubt being spanked would have really had the effect my parents wanted. Other kids might learn discipline better by being spanked. It is the parents’ job to figure out the sort of discipline that does work for each child individually, and apply that discipline according to the child’s needs, not the parent’s desire, for the child’s benefit, not the parents’ in a manner that teaches the child how to grow up to be a good, responsible person. Anyone who fails to do that hates his/her kids.
Last night at the laundry mat, a mother of three (one in a “backpack” harness.) The unrestrained children were being children. They were running around, shouting, one leaned in close to see what I was doing on my laptop. (“Boring! Nothing but words.”) The mother kept trying to explain to her children what she wanted, explain how frustrated she was getting because they wouldn’t stop running, wouldn’t stop making noise, wouldn’t stop getting out of her sight, etc. The kids, being kids, didn’t understand, but never once did she enforce what she wanted. THIS is how we’re told it’s supposed to be done. Never a hard word, always calm, quiet, reasonable. Anything else is abusive.
I’m not saying the kids needed to be spanked. They were just being kids. All I’m saying is that the form of discipline she was using was not effective. It was perfect form for a “How to Have an Argument” video, perhaps, but it was lost on the kids. What’s more, I find myself wondering how much her expressions of frustration to them were for their benefit, to teach them how to behave, and how much they were for her benefit, showing how good a mother she is to everyone around, while her children really gain nothing from the interaction.
I’m not suggesting that this woman actively and according to her own definition hates her children. But it’s possible that she hates them in what she does to and with them even though she thinks she’s loving. Her hope, no doubt, is that through her reasonableness, her children will be reasonable, and somehow the whole world will be reasonable. After all, she’s “entitled” to it. Her children are entitled to it. We’re all entitled to a world that goes along just as we “reasonably” believe it should, without anyone ever enforcing their own will over someone else.
In my own experience, people respond to different forms of discipline in different manners. I don’t recall being spanked very often. That might be because I don’t tend to remember the vast majority of the day to day events of my life. Some would say that I was spoiled rotten. That may be another reason I don’t recall being spanked. I doubt being spanked would have really had the effect my parents wanted. Other kids might learn discipline better by being spanked. It is the parents’ job to figure out the sort of discipline that does work for each child individually, and apply that discipline according to the child’s needs, not the parent’s desire, for the child’s benefit, not the parents’ in a manner that teaches the child how to grow up to be a good, responsible person. Anyone who fails to do that hates his/her kids.
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