Commitment

           Be diligent in these matters; give yourself wholly to them, so that everyone may see your progress. Watch your life and doctrine closely. Persevere in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers. (I Timothy 4:15-16)

          Today’s passage takes us back a couple days, to when I wrote about behavior and belief. Paul tells Timothy to watch his life (behavior) and doctrine (beliefs) closely. Since we’ve already dealt with the question of what we’re supposed to do, let’s turn to the question of how we’re supposed to do it.

          First, defining the terms:

Diligent: having or showing care and conscientiousness in one's work or duties.

Wholly: entirely; fully.

Watch: look at or observe attentively over a period of time; exercise care, caution, or restraint about.

Closely: with little or no space or time in between; in a way that involves a strong resemblance or connection; in a careful and attentive way.

Persevere: continue in a course of action even in the face of difficulty or with little or no prospect of success.

          I’m exhausted just reading the definitions. It looks to me like Paul is talking about constant, undivided attention. Most people would probably read those definitions and say, “Not for me.” That’s a lot of care, conscientiousness, attention, and unending hard work. None of us is perfect. None of us can be that focused for that long. After all, in addition to our Christianity, we have lives, families, jobs, hopes, and dreams. Perhaps more to the point, we’re flawed humans.

           What this all boils down to is a term that has been on my mind for the past few weeks: Commitment. I’m not fond of commitment. I’m afraid of failure. That’s part of why when I started writing again, I vowed that I would not stop writing until or unless someone who knows the business has read my work and tells me to stop. If I left the decision up to me, I’d have stopped a long time ago.

          When I lost weight years ago, I spent a year focusing on losing that weight. That was my life for the year, and as it has stopped being the focus of my life, I’ve regained it. One doesn't lose weight or keep it off just just "not eating." One has to go to war with unconscious habits and desires. Any goal we set for ourselves, if we don’t keep adding energy and working at it, entropy will prevent us from reaching.

          This is what makes commitment so difficult. This is one of two reasons I tend to shy away from making commitments. The other is my commitment to the lie that the person or thing to which I commit myself will one day abandon or reject me.

          But failure's a chance we’re called to make in today’s passage because failure and success have the same requirements.