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Gold


          But he knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold. My feet have closely followed his steps; I have kept to his way without turning aside. (Job 23:10-11)

          I would like to be able to say this more than I can. Living with Dad was a challenge because he got to the point where he didn’t want to make any decisions and I don’t want to make any wrong decisions – which means that I’m horrible with arbitrary decisions. That means that 90% of the time, neither of us wanted to make a decision and in that 10% where we did make them, we tended to disagree. I got him to help me choose what kind of car to get by finally asking him which kind he would get for himself (that was how I got Deborah. Abraham was easy – I needed a truck into which I could maneuver Dad. Simple logic.)
          Most of the big decisions in my life are Abraham in Ur situations. God calls me to go somewhere that I don’t know and do something I’m not comfortable doing. What’s worse, and the point of this essay, is that I’m not even sure God’s called me. I started “walking with Abraham” back in 2015 when I quit my job to take care of Dad. I knew I was making a good decision then. This fall, as I came back to Florida without Dad, I didn’t know what to do. I made a couple missteps (in my opinion) and ended up buying a place. This morning, I’m standing for election as the secretary of the association. No one else seemed willing to run, which means the job is very likely mine. I don’t regret it, but I’m not excited. I can do the job, but am I supposed to?
I have the same difficulty with the whole writing thing. Is that the direction I’m really supposed to go? Am I wasting time and money? It would be so nice to be able to see the end from the beginning… to not have to take a chance… to know I’m doing the right thing.
          But, God is able to see the end from the beginning. God knows the way I take. It might not be what I consider the right way, but He’s promised before that He won’t let me miss my “exit.” He will guide and direct me. So, as I launch myself into yet another volunteer position, His test for me is not whether or not I can take minutes. His test for me is whether or not I will leave Ur, get out of the boat, or otherwise trust Him that He has not left me.
          Some people see the “when I have been tested, I will come forth as gold” as arrogance, and it could be. It could also be Job’s confidence that the process through which God was taking him would result in his coming forth as gold because God was in control. He still is.


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