Put On Our Smiley Face Masks

Even in laughter the heart may ache, and rejoicing may end in grief. (Proverbs 14:32)

          Two classic lines are spoken when someone commits suicide, especially if that person was a celebrity. 1) They seemed so happy, and 2) They had so much going for them. Sometimes a third is added: They seemed so strong. There’s another way to tell that same tale in one sentence. They were privileged. No matter what their earlier life may have been like, at the time of their death, they were privileged, and yet, they took their own lives. We just don’t understand how that can be. Even their closest friends don’t’ understand it. Even in their laughter, their hearts ached, and their apparent joy ended in tragedy. I’m not dropping any unsubtle hint about myself. I’m just thinking about this disconnection between what we perceive and what might be a desperate reality. 
          If you dare to say, “all lives matter,” you’re likely to be told that right now, Black people need to be reassured that their lives matter. They need for changes to take place in society to prove to them that their lives matter. The only response that is even remotely acceptable is for us to shrug our shoulders, put aside any pain or need we might have, and meet the need of this other. We’re told that their need is greater. In fact, we’re told that we really don’t have any needs. And their need might be greater. And then the next person’s need might be greater. And the next person, and the next, but the need of the “privileged” person is never met. And we stand amazed when the privileged person does something that we think drastic, and that we don’t understand. What we dismiss as self-centeredness may be a desperate cry for help.
          This isn’t just a “racial” reality. Over the past several months, we’re getting close to 2 million victims for COVID-19, and 111 thousand deaths in the United States. There are lots of people who see these numbers and insist that our focus must be entirely on these numbers. Nothing else matters. Any price that must be paid to prevent even one more death must be! But more than 39 million people have lost their jobs. My guess is that this means 39 million families facing financial hardship, possibly 120 million people within those families. And those people are told, “Stay home, sit down, shut up.” The unspoken subtext is “Your pain doesn’t matter.” And now as we may be approaching an end to the COVID-19 crisis, there are experts who are warning that famines are the likely result of the lockdowns. Many times as many people may die from the famine as that died of the disease. 
          And even this isn’t the only place. It’s fortunate for many that social media hasn’t been posting these memes, but there are memes that say, “You think you have it bad?” and then they share the circumstances of someone whose circumstances are clearly (they think) so much worse than anything you or I could be facing. If you’ve ever shared one of these, chances are good that I’ve apologized for turning to you for help when it’s so clear that I don’t measure up to the minimum requirement you’ve set for your expression of compassion or pity. Of course, recognizing the extremes faced by those who actually do meet your standards are far in excess of mine, but the truth of the matter is that the extremes of their circumstances do nothing to change the amount of pain that someone might be facing. These memes don’t help put things in what you consider the proper perspective. All they do is tell the hearer that they don’t measure up. They don’t matter. The meme is just another way to say, “Go away, sit down, and shut up.” And what’s even worse about this meme is the fact that the person saying, “Your problems aren’t so bad” isn’t trying to help the person or people in the meme. It just frees the meme sharer from the responsibility of caring.
          Yes, there are people out there whose needs are clear, obvious, and deeply felt. There are also people out there who seem to have it all together. There are privileged folks out there who should have it all together. With all their privilege, how could they not? But those people may be desperately in pain or in need. Their laughter may be a mask to hide the tears they’re not permitted to cry in public because they aren’t included in the groups you’ve designated as worthy of pity or compassion. 
         And if it’s understandable why members of a group of people who are in pain and angry would act out – to the point of rioting and murdering other people, then it should also be understandable why some of these “privileged” people who have been turned away repeatedly – perhaps all their lives -because they aren’t included in the approved list of not yous to whom compassion is appropriate. Never mind, we’ll just put on our smiley face masks and laugh along.