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Search Me

         Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. (Psalm 139:23-24)

          I’m going to say it. It may not be entirely accurate, but I may be on the edge of depression. Maybe it’s just on the edge of what I think of as depression. It just seems as if I have to work a lot harder at my attitude, and I’m not necessarily winning. I haven’t walked up to a mental cliff and fallen thousands of feet into darkness. I’m thankful that I haven’t done one of those in decades. And it’s not like I’ve spent the last month in tears without a clue why.

          And it’s OK. I know the drill. The first step in solving a problem is to realize there is a problem. The second step is to clearly define it. And in the case of this problem, today’s passage is part of the solution, because the way everlasting is the way of the truth, and the problem with depression is that we tend to believe and tell ourselves lies.  This is the prayer and the promise to which I must hold tight.

          Not too many years ago, I hated this verse. The last thing I wanted to do was to have God search me or test me, because I was sure I’d fail. Now it’s a plea to rescue me from me.

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