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Doubt?

                Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?” (Matthew 14:31)

 

               Yes, it’s the last week of December, and I’ve just written about the rest that comes before the beginning. So how do I begin today? With anxiety about unfinished projects and the direction for the new year. In other words, the doubts are creeping in. Some are whispering. Some are screaming.

                And doubts aren’t always a bad thing. They’re part of preparation. If we didn’t have doubts and fears, we couldn’t be courageous. I’ve written before that one of the ways I know something is from God is if my reaction is “no, no, no, no, no, no, no.” But today, it feels like Jesus is holding His hand out, and I’m holding on to the side of the boat and having a tiny meltdown.

                Another memory surfaces – of a time when I tried waterskiing for the second and last time. The first trip was mostly face first through the water. The second time I got up. I’m not sure how long I was up, but I spent the whole time screaming for them to stop because I couldn’t let go of the line to signal them or stop myself. If I had, I (probably) would have sunk comfortably into the water.

                The parallel is that I’m not in any real danger now, either. What I’m seeing is that there are more steps in the process. I begin with “no, no, no, no, no, no, no.” The next step is, “Oh, OK (sheesh!)” The third step is “But what if…what if…what iff?”

                And the fourth step? There are a few forms it could take. One is “Jesus, help! I’m drowning!” Another is “Emmanuel…God with us… God with me.” Another is “Wisdom, direction, and attitude!” That means it’s all about the resting described yesterday – the preparation of one’s resources, including faith. So, it’s a good thing that doubts are coming – and being dealt with – now. That will free me to act when the time comes.

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