Dreams ...

             The angel of the Lord came back a second time and touched him and said, “Get up and eat, for the journey is too much for you…”

And the word of the Lord came to him: “What are you doing here, Elijah?”

He replied, “I have been very zealous for the Lord God Almighty. The Israelites have rejected your covenant, torn down your altars, and put your prophets to death with the sword. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too.” (I Kings 19:7 & 9-10)

 

Today’s topic isn’t one I would wish on anyone. After Elijah had been God’s instrument of miracles and judgment, Jezebel threatened his life, and he ran away. Life was too overwhelming. I’m not a psychologist but having finished big projects and having spent enough of my life dealing with depression, I suspect he may have been depressed. He’d worked hard, and there were still unvanquished threats. He hadn’t won. It wasn’t rational, but that didn’t mean he could just shut the feelings off.

There are times when I suddenly realize that I’ve been depressed for some time (days, weeks, months…), and there are times when I have sensed myself walking to the edge of an emotional cliff and stepping off. I tend now to cycle through greater and lesser watchfulness and concern about whether I’m there because the sooner I realize what’s going on, the sooner I can do something about it.

          The first thing to point out is that God sent an angel to minister to Elijah, and the angel told him that the journey was too much for him.  On the one hand, that might have been a hint that Elijah should go back the way he came. On the other hand, it stated the obvious. We all face journeys in our lives that are too much for us. The folks who claim God will never give us more than we can handle are mistaken (at best) or liars (at worst.)

          Later, when God spoke to Elijah, His words didn’t seem to be a reprimand. Some people deal with someone’s depression by scolding them. “You think you’ve got it bad, think about how bad (those other folks, whoever they are) have it!” or “You think you’re sick? You must be crazy (or a sinner)! Snap out of it!” Neither of those things helps. Instead, God gives Elijah an opening to explain himself - or vent.

          Returning to the ideas from Journey of Desire, John Eldridge wrote of depression as being connected to the death of desire or the death of dreams. There was a time when I was very goal oriented and had dreams, but it always seemed as if having a dream was the best way possible of ensuring that God or I would destroy it, I gave up. Why set myself up for failure? One of the people Mr. Eldridge spoke with about this said that someone in his church praised him during his second year of depression - because he was being “humble” by not pursuing anything. When I get involved in things, the result tends to be accusations that I’m arrogant or the end of the associated friendships. Get involved? It hurts too much. Make friends? That just shortens the time before they tell me to go away. These ideas follow me even when I’m not depressed - or don’t think I am.  

          The problem is that depression is an enemy of faith. God makes it clear to Elijah that he has a role to play. His dream to see Israel restored is a good one. He’s not alone. He is protected. And it is the sense of love from God or another that will, over time, defeat at least some forms of depression.