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Imposter

                       When the angel of the Lord appeared to Gideon, he said, “The Lord is with you, mighty warrior.” (Judges 6:12)

          And he said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?” (Genesis 3:11)

          I wonder whether Gideon looked around, trying to figure out who the angel of the Lord was talking to. After all, he wasn’t a mighty warrior at the time. The angel was addressing Gideon as he would become. But if Gideon looked around, I can relate. Scripture doesn’t include the “Who me?” response because Gideon had a more important question that might be expressed as “What Lord?” Another way to describe both questions is “Who are you trying to kid?”

          God wasn’t doing things the way Gideon or Israel thought He should. Gideon was reduced to threshing grain in a winepress. Then this angel shows up and gives Gideon this grand title. What do I do with grand titles that God has given me? What do you do? How do you respond to titles like Christian, Daughter/Son/Child, Good and Faithful Servant, Joint-heir, Sent One, Mighty Warrior, etc.?

          I know my tendency. I argue, even about silly little things. When I was jogging, I wasn’t a Jogger. While I spent 20 years working on family history, I wasn’t a genealogist. Have you seen my gardens? I’m not a gardener, or a homesteader, or a good home owner, neighbor, member of any community, or member of a church even though I just joined it this summer! I’m not courageous, wise or competent. And all the stuff I’m working so hard at? Waste of time! I will publicly state that I am a Christian, but then I feel like I have to apologize to God for being an embarrassment.  Even though I just submitted my fourth novel for publication, I’m not a “real author.”

          I can’t make claims about being a good wife, parent or grandparent, but I wasn’t a good daughter, granddaughter, sister, or cousin, so there’s room for doubt. And no, I’m not looking for everyone to tell me that I’m wrong (which would only prove that I’m a bad judge of character or something).

          Maybe you’re different, but even if you think highly of yourself, I think a lot of people suffer from Imposter Syndrome. We want to be seen as something we are not. We are afraid that people (including God) will figure out we’re not something we pretend to be or that they mistakenly believe we are. We sew fig leaves together and hide in the bushes or look around to find the person God is talking to or about because it can’t be us!

          I’m fortunate, because God has been willing to argue with me about a few of these. I am learning, among other things, that it’s silly to argue that I’m not something while I’m doing it (especially regularly) or have a stack of evidence around the house.

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