Skip to main content

Imposter

                       When the angel of the Lord appeared to Gideon, he said, “The Lord is with you, mighty warrior.” (Judges 6:12)

          And he said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?” (Genesis 3:11)

          I wonder whether Gideon looked around, trying to figure out who the angel of the Lord was talking to. After all, he wasn’t a mighty warrior at the time. The angel was addressing Gideon as he would become. But if Gideon looked around, I can relate. Scripture doesn’t include the “Who me?” response because Gideon had a more important question that might be expressed as “What Lord?” Another way to describe both questions is “Who are you trying to kid?”

          God wasn’t doing things the way Gideon or Israel thought He should. Gideon was reduced to threshing grain in a winepress. Then this angel shows up and gives Gideon this grand title. What do I do with grand titles that God has given me? What do you do? How do you respond to titles like Christian, Daughter/Son/Child, Good and Faithful Servant, Joint-heir, Sent One, Mighty Warrior, etc.?

          I know my tendency. I argue, even about silly little things. When I was jogging, I wasn’t a Jogger. While I spent 20 years working on family history, I wasn’t a genealogist. Have you seen my gardens? I’m not a gardener, or a homesteader, or a good home owner, neighbor, member of any community, or member of a church even though I just joined it this summer! I’m not courageous, wise or competent. And all the stuff I’m working so hard at? Waste of time! I will publicly state that I am a Christian, but then I feel like I have to apologize to God for being an embarrassment.  Even though I just submitted my fourth novel for publication, I’m not a “real author.”

          I can’t make claims about being a good wife, parent or grandparent, but I wasn’t a good daughter, granddaughter, sister, or cousin, so there’s room for doubt. And no, I’m not looking for everyone to tell me that I’m wrong (which would only prove that I’m a bad judge of character or something).

          Maybe you’re different, but even if you think highly of yourself, I think a lot of people suffer from Imposter Syndrome. We want to be seen as something we are not. We are afraid that people (including God) will figure out we’re not something we pretend to be or that they mistakenly believe we are. We sew fig leaves together and hide in the bushes or look around to find the person God is talking to or about because it can’t be us!

          I’m fortunate, because God has been willing to argue with me about a few of these. I am learning, among other things, that it’s silly to argue that I’m not something while I’m doing it (especially regularly) or have a stack of evidence around the house.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The List

              Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ,   through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance;   perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. (Romans 5:1-5)           Think about it. We have been justified. At least, we could be justified if we stopped insisting that our justification be based on our merits. We have peace with God, or could have peace if we stopped throwing temper tantrums. We have gained access into grace i...
Post a Comment
Read more

Listen!

  While he was still speaking, a bright cloud enveloped them, and a voice from the cloud said, “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased. Listen to him!” (Matthew 17:5)            Do you like roller coasters? I don't. You spend forever climbing a hill. You get to the top and have half a second, then you race down to a low point. Sometimes the racing down involves tying your insides into knots. At the bottom, you either have to be dragged up another hill or you get off the ride. Peter's life was a roller coaster from the time he met Jesus. There would be miracles, and then Jesus would teach things that didn't always make sense, and then they'd go out and perform miracles, and return to be taught. Peter was praised for giving the right answer to "Who do you say that I am?" Jesus said that said answer came from God. Peter was at the top of the hill.            ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Prayer Lists

                 Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation, now that you have tasted that the Lord is good. (I Peter 2:2-3)   In connection with what I wrote yesterday about the possibility that I’m wrong, I’m feeling the need to go back to basics - craving spiritual milk because somehow, I missed something. It’s a little embarrassing, craving milk like a newborn, but the truth probably is that we are newborns many times in many ways in our lives. From God’s perspective, we may never be anything more than newborns, forever needing that milk. On the other hand, being a newborn can also be exciting because so much is new. My mind is playing pinball - ricocheting from one idea to the next and through six more before it happens to hit the third again. The main topic is prayer. I have at least seven organizing structures all somewhat influenced by the movie War Room , which I’v...
Post a Comment
Read more