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Offensive Ways In Me

             Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. (Psalm 139:23-24)

I don’t often remember dreams. More often than not, the ones I remember are about me going back to school/work in a place that isn’t a workplace/school, usually with people who make me uncomfortable. Translation: stress or anxiety. Last night, I woke after dreaming that I had angrily called someone significant in my life an idiot. I have no idea what preceded or followed that declaration or accusation. I felt guilty, as if I had actually said it to the actual victim, and when I checked my Bible platform, the above was the passage of the day. Naturally, I’m looking at them together.

To begin, of course, there’s my clearly offensive way: calling someone names. I don’t approve of it in general, and even less from myself, even in a dream. It at least suggests that I harbor some negative feelings toward this person, and I’m dealing with them. As I prayed about the incident, another perspective came to mind. Yes, I have to deal with the fact that I give offense. But my name-calling, as wrong as it is, may be a reaction to the offense done to me years ago, and that is as much an offensive way in me as the offense that I commit.

What I’m trying to suggest is that “See if there is any offensive way in me,” can involve either direction, and can necessitate our seeking forgiveness, our seeking healing, and our giving forgiveness. All three require God’s touch, and there’s no reason to think He is any less attentive to offense done to us than He is to offense we commit.

And, no, it’s not you.

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