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If only.... and... Whatever


Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God. My soul is downcast within me; therefore I will remember you from the land of the Jordan, the heights of Hermon—from Mount Mizar. (Psalm 42:5-6)
 
          This passage should be stenciled on my walls, on my dashboard and anywhere else it will fit. It's the type of self-talk I need on a daily basis. Not "You can do it! You're great! You're a winner!" No. I need to ask myself what I'm really disturbed about when I'm disturbed, and that is almost daily. Why is my soul downcast? What's actually wrong? Some of you have been treated to my therapeutic public "Whiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine." It actually helps. The reason behind it is ambivalent anxiety, amorphous angst, diaphanous depression... all as substantial as smoke but it's just as obscuring of the vision and its stink seeps into every pore and fiber of life. There's nothing really wrong. It's not biological because it goes away once I'm distracted from my lament.
          Once I've asked "why?" and discovered that once again there is no reason, that's when I need to tell myself, "put your hope in God, for I will yet praise  him, my Savior and my God." That's when I need to remind myself of the Promised Land. That's when I need to change my self-talk from "If only" to "Whatever"...
 
                Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you. (Philippians 4:6-9)

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