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I Don't Understand

  I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my loving eye on you. Do not be like the horse or the mule, which have no understanding but must be controlled by bit and bridle or they will not come to you. Many are the woes of the wicked, but the Lord’s unfailing love surrounds the one who trusts in him.” (Psalm 32:8-10)
          I hate being out of control. That’s one of the reasons I love to read and write, because then I can ignore the world around me, which is often despairingly out-of-control. The past few days, as you can no doubt tell, have been very out-of-control. That causes an existential pain that works like any other pain, the world shrinks down to the problems and pain. Nothing else exists.
       Into this, God inserts Himself. He promises to instruct, to teach, and to counsel. Do you hear the echo of “wisdom, direction, and attitude” in there? My inclination is to be like a horse, trying to charge forward into battle, or like a mule, balking. I tell God, “I don’t understand,” in words and in actions. That’s because I don’t understand completely, and I don’t approve. I don’t like what’s happening. Like a horse, I want to charge ahead. Like a mule, I want to balk. Like my father, I want to make things be the way I want them to be even if it’s not safe or wise.
          I suspect that God is trying to teach me peace. Peace is precisely what I don’t want because it involves not charging ahead. It involves not balking. It involves understanding at least one little thing, that God loves me. He instructs me with His loving eye on me. His love surrounds me. That is the understanding that leads the horse not to bolt or the mule not to balk. That’s the understanding I need.

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