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Not My Will


          Then Jesus went with his disciples to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to them, “Sit here while I go over there and pray.”  He took Peter and the two sons of Zebedee along with him, and he began to be sorrowful and troubled. Then he said to them, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.”
          Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.” 
           Then he returned to his disciples and found them sleeping. “Couldn’t you men keep watch with me for one hour?” he asked Peter. “Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.”
               He went away a second time and prayed, “My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done.” When he came back, he again found them sleeping, because their eyes were heavy. So he left them and went away once more and prayed the third time, saying the same thing.
                Then he returned to the disciples and said to them, “Are you still sleeping and resting? Look, the hour has come, and the Son of Man is delivered into the hands of sinners. 46 Rise! Let us go! Here comes my betrayer!” (Matthew 26:36-46)

          Have you faced any Gethsemane moments? Looking back, I’ve had many. They weren’t truly life-and-death decisions. But they were times when I either felt I could not face what seemed to be approaching, or when I knew I had to choose between what God wanted, and what I wanted. 
          Some of those times were battles for me. Like Jesus, I had to go back and pray it again, not three times, but thirty or three hundred… “Not my will but Thine.” And as hard as it is when things aren’t going well, it’s harder when God asks you to give up something you think is good or even essential.
          When I first started using this prayer, I recall grumbling it. “OK, God, I don’t like what’s going on. I think it’s a bad idea. I can’t imagine why you’re putting this on me. What did I do to deserve it? Well, whatever…not my will but Thine.”
          There have been times when I felt pain. Often, this involved walking across a parking lot to a job I hated. “I feel like I’m dying, Lord. This job is killing me. I want to turn around and walk away, collect my dog and just start driving. My heart is breaking, Lord, but not my will, but Thine.”
         Fear is a frequent component of these prayers. “I don’t think I can survive this. I don’t know what to do, but not my will but Thine.”
          Over time, I’ve also learned to say it with peace and even with joy. “Guide me, Lord. Lead me where You will. Not my will, but Thine.”  As I look out my window this morning at the beautiful white blossoms of the serviceberry bushes I planted last summer, I find myself weepy with gratitude as I say, “Not my will, but Thine.” 
          Paul wrote about having learned the lesson of contentment, with little or with much. God is the answer. We can do all things through Him who strengthens us. That is why we can say, “Not my will, but Thine.”

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