Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. (Ephesians 4:29)
Unwholesome:
not characterized by or conducive to health or moral well-being
Don’t
use God’s name in vain. Don’t use terms that are crude, lewd, or obscene. Don’t
talk dirty. Don’t curse. If we say “Rats!” instead of dropping F-bombs, or “Sugar!”
instead of “Shit!” or “Darn!” instead of “Damn!” have we fulfilled the
requirements of this verse? What if we also get rid of the snide or sarcastic
comments and the “witty repartee” that we tend to think adds some spice to an
otherwise bland conversation? Or, what if we dedicate ourselves to speak only positive
things, will doing all that finally fulfill the requirements of the verse? And
what is left that we can do other than quote Scripture at random?
The
problem is that getting rid of the negatives and other bad stuff only gets you
to zero. To be wholesome, you need to add something positive or useful – in
other words, wholesome. Even quoting the random Scripture isn’t likely to be
wholesome, except by the grace of God. Saying positive things that don’t meet
needs, telling people they need to have a positive outlook or that they need
to calm down doesn’t help (in case you hadn’t noticed.)
Some
tell us that we shouldn’t say anything, we should just be with the person, feel
with them and for them, and that’s all that’s needed, but they’re wrong. That’s
not all most people need, which may not be what the specific struggling
person needs. It just lets the person who is supposed to be building the
sufferer up according to his/her needs feel free to check “helping the sufferer”
off their to-do list without having done anything.
Building
others up according to their needs requires that we open our eyes and look to see what their needs are first, then prayerfully and carefully lift that person up. It takes wisdom. It takes courage. It may take several attempts.
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