In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety. (Psalm 4:8)
The past few nights have
been tough. I expected to spend time in tears over selling Grace Cottage South,
but I guess I really did make my peace with that last summer. Instead, I’ve
been stressing over the immediate and near future. How long should I visit my
sister? What do I want to be when I “grow up”? How am I going to use up my craft
supplies? What goals should I set? How can I help my sister while I’m here? The
list always continues and tends to spiral down into silliness. Last night, one
of my mental gymnastics included an Olympic level back flip into the statement “Lord,
I’m not at peace here!”
For once, my putting
something “on the table” was useful. The lack of peace had nothing to do with
the people or the place, and everything to do with me. Granted, the place isn’t
home, and people always complicate life, but the issue is that I’m not in
control, I can’t be in control. It would be wrong of me to assume control. All
that tells that natural part of my mind that things are out of control. I got
up and journaled for a paragraph. It came to mind to try some deep breathing
exercises and a shortish battle to overcome the anxiety I rarely do those
unless someone instructs me to.
Of course, there have
been other times that I realized that I was in the way of peace in my own life.
I know I come in second place as my enemy. But those few moments and a few deep
breaths did me a world of good.
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