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Are You Acceptable? Accepted? Accepting?


Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.(Romans 15:7)

          Let me tell you: I don't feel accepted. If you have a couple hours, I could regale you with tales of how I've been rejected. In fact, I'm so sure you're going to reject me that when we first met,  I probably treated you to my "Freak Show," giving you my lifetime of unacceptability so you walked away then, rather than waiting a few years before deciding I'm a monster. Oh? You have your own horror stories? 
         What makes a person feel accepted? As I ponder this question, I'm trying to think of the times I have felt accepted. It doesn't seem to me that should be so difficult, because there haven't been all that many times. At least, that's what my ego tells me. I learned a long time ago that my memory isn't accurate with regard to positive matters of my past. I tend to put experiences through unrealistic filters.
           When it comes to my feeling accepted, what comes to mind is a conference I attended for several years. People who clearly knew what they were talking about allowed me to participate in their conversation even though I didn't know much. They treated me as someone with whom to share information, an equal, not a nuisance. I think of  these as being times when I was treated like an intelligent human being. It meant a lot to me, but I'm sure that other people could have gone to the same conferences and felt completely unaccepted.
        Different kinds of people have different needs when it comes to being accepted. Gary Smalley's Five Love Languages may be helpful here. We feel loved, and therefore accepted when we are given the words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, gifts, or physical touch we need. We feel accepted when our needs for love or appreciation are addressed even if they aren't entirely met. It's not so much about feeling "special" as it is about feeling "enough" or "equal."  Another part of being accepted involves contributing in a way that is meaningful to us. When filling a need fulfills us, we feel accepted. Acceptance is a matter for prayer, practice and patience for each of us, whether the question is our being accepted or our accepting others. It isn't easy, but it is required.

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