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Whether "Wow" or "OK, Uh-Huh, Good"


            You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing to you and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give you thanks forever. (Psalm 30:11-12) 

            When I was in college, and for years afterwards, I carried books, purses and more on my right shoulder. Over time, my back started giving me problems, to the point where I had to roll on my side and pull myself into a sitting position in order to get out of bed. I endured back pain for years and resigned myself to suffer for the rest of my life. One day I suddenly had an idea  that I'd never considered before: go to a chiropractor! (I believe God gave me the idea.) I went to one and returned many times. One day as I was taking a shower, I suddenly realized that my back didn't hurt, and I couldn't remember when I was actually last in pain. It seems to me that most of the pain I've suffered has worked that way. I'm in pain... I'm in agony... I'm dying, and then I'm not. When did that happen?
            Some people, like David, live big, dramatic lives. They move from wailing and sackcloth to dancing, joy, and singing at the top of their lungs in the course of a second, a minute, an hour, or a day. God's action on their behalf is obvious. Someone opens the door and finds food on their doorstep, or a check in the mail, or a prodigal child. Others may never find food, checks or children. Their suffering may last years. One day, they find themselves somehow no longer hampered by their pain.
            For years, I was convinced that I had an nonhappy, rather pathetic childhood. I don't mean that I was actively unhappy or that my childhood was one trial after another. I don't remember much of it, really. There are pieces of it that I know more as facts than as actual memories. I don't know whether this is normal, or a product of my personality type. The nonhappy, pathetic view was an assumption on my part because I don't remember lots of "dancing" or joy. I also don't remember a lot of wailing or sackcloth so it wasn't a fair judgment on my art. Within the past 5 years, I transferred decades of slides into digital photographs. The thing that I noticed most about myself was that I smiled in the pictures. I know that people are told to smile for pictures, but the smiles don't look like the "It's a picture so I have to smile" smiles.
           In cleaning out a file drawer, I found my Junior Girl Scout badge sash. I was surprised at how many badges were stitched on it. There weren't enough to be considered a major accomplishment, but there were lots more than I would have thought. Again, the picture that the evidence shows for my life is that  it wasn't the negative time that I tend to believe it was.
            During the last couple years, I have been discovering that joy is not (always) big and dramatic. Not all our "dancing" has to be frantic jive or Argentine tango. A slow waltz is still a dance. Not all our joy has to be a public display of unbridled exuberance. It can be a quiet assurance. I have been learning that  while I don't have a life filled with "Oh WOW"s, I do have a life that is more and more filled with "OK, Uh huh. Good." And for that, God deserves to be thanked  all the days of my life.

 

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