Quarrels And Arguments

Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart. Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. And the Lord’s servant must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. Those who oppose him he must gently instruct, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth, and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will. (II Timothy 2:22-26) 

          Uh oh. Some people would say that I’m treading on thin ice this morning. No quarreling? Let’s start with a definition: a quarrel is an angry argument or disagreement, typically between people who are usually on good terms. Most people describe arguments in the same way. Quarrels seem to be all about attitude or about the people. Arguments, technically, lose the ‘tude. Arguments are about information. When you throw down the first ad hominem or foul word, you’ve descended to quarreling.  In the same few verses where Paul told Timothy not to quarrel, he also tells him to gently instruct those who oppose, in hopes that they may come to their senses. 

         Some might say that I’m splitting hairs, but I see a world of difference in the two ideas. Others are likely to disagree with me, perhaps angrily, but anger seems to me to be the issue. Anger is the reason I don’t like to discuss things person-to-person. Writing gives everyone the chance to think about what to say, and to disengage the temper. It’s slower and can be calmer. Most of the time, when I argue online, I’m not angry. I may express myself forcefully, but my goal is to get the other person to think, not to hurt or destroy them. I can’t even say that I’m necessarily instructing them or trying to change them, though I do hope that God will lead them to a knowledge of the truth, etc. 

         This is an area in which all of us need practice. It may not be easy to argue without quarreling. I know that when someone disagrees, it’s easy to pull out the claws. I prefer to pull out the dictionary. Still, Paul admonishes Timothy to have nothing to do with quarrels. This is a challenge for me, because I will continue to argue even when someone else has begun to quarrel. I need to learn to extricate myself from quarrels without conceding the argument.  

         Perhaps my out should be something along the lines of, “I am not here to trade insults, but information.” I think it needs more than that, but it’s a start. Clearly an area in which I need more WDA.