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Helicopter Parenting


          And have you completely forgotten this word of encouragement that addresses you as a father addresses his son? It says,
“My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline,
    and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,
because the Lord disciplines the one he loves,
    and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son.”
                Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children. For what children are not disciplined by their father? If you are not disciplined—and everyone undergoes discipline—then you are not legitimate, not true sons and daughters at all. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of spirits and live! They disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. (Hebrews 12:5-11)

          One of the terms Professor Jonathan Haidt has used several times in his discussion of what is going on at our college campuses is “Helicopter Parenting.” It’s the idea that parents hover over their children, providing constant care, guidance, and protection because …”the world is a dangerous place” and unless a child is constantly supervised by a responsible adult (and other responsible adults are hard to find) the child will be kidnapped, abused, or lose his chance at admission to a decent college. (When I went to college, about 10% of kids went to public colleges, and about 3% went to private schools. This year, the percentages are 15 and 5, and the population of college-age kids is larger.) Parents are under pressure (self-inflicted and societally inflicted) to be protect their kids from everything, and to make their children’s lives both safe, and at the same time, a storybook little prince or little princess’s upbringing.
          Having spoken to folks about God for many years, it seems clear that are quite a few who expect God to be a “helicopter God,” not in the sense of walking with us through our lives, but in the sense described above, in which God is expected to solve every problem and make our lives beautiful, wonderful, and practically perfect in every way.
          This is a misunderstanding of God, of our world, and of parenting. God is the Good Father, who does protect, provide, and guide, but His goal is for our maturity, not our being protected from every adversity. He created us to be anti-fragile, meaning that the struggles we endure make us better, stronger people under His watchful care. That means we have to be challenged, have to face fears, disappointments, and pain.

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