No Sexual Immorality!

          Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees.  “Make level paths for your feet,” so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed. Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord.  See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.  See that no one is sexually immoral, or is godless like Esau, who for a single meal sold his inheritance rights as the oldest son.  Afterward, as you know, when he wanted to inherit this blessing, he was rejected. Even though he sought the blessing with tears, he could not change what he had done. (Hebrews 12:12-17)

           "See that no one is sexually immoral." Oh boy…can of worms. We’re supposed to stay out of other people’s bedrooms – even if they invite us in by discussing their sex lives or engaging in what they consider socially acceptable pdsa (public displays of sexual attraction.) So let me start with this: I don’t care what you’re sexually attracted to. It’s none of my business. It doesn’t chance my feelings about you… until or unless you make it an issue by insisting that I respond to it in some way. When and if you make your sexuality (no matter what that sexuality is) I am likely to respond negatively, and the more you demand that I accommodate, accept, or approve, the less I will. If I’m to stay out of your bedroom, then keep your bedroom door closed.

However, Scripture is clear about sexuality. Sexuality does not identity. If you say,

I am a man and this is the way men are sexually

I am a woman and this is the way women are sexually

I am LGBT and this is the way LGBTs  are sexually

…chances are very good that you’re wrong. “This” is how you are (or more correctly, how you behave) sexually, and there are a couple legitimate questions that can be asked. If your health makes it so you can’t act on your you-ness sexually, will you stop being yourself? If not, perhaps you aren’t your sexuality. Is “this” you at your most loving (not lusting)? In other words, is it you doing what is in the absolute best interest of the other person? Or is it you at your most toxic, taking from someone or doing to someone for your gratification (or even mutual gratification as long as you get yours) regardless of their best interest? I don’t want to know, but if not being toxic is a good thing, you should care.

            The next question is even more important to me. What does Scripture say about your sexuality? What does the Bible claim is sexual immorality? Does your sexual behavior fit that description? First, nearly everyone has sexual impulses: positive, negative, toward one sort of object, another, or even several different kinds of objects (some inanimate!) I haven’t found anything in the Bible that says one isn’t to have sexual impulses. We are told not to lust, which I’ll describe as entertaining or encouraging those sexual impulses. Another way to put it is that the sexual urge is physical. Lust is when one adds thoughts, feelings, and volition. We are also told that our sexual behavior is to be restricted to the marriage bed, with marriage being described in Scripture as between a man and a woman by mutual consent. That hasn’t been the way it has been practiced, but that doesn’t change what Scripture says, or what is right or wrong.

            This brings is full circle. Everyone sins. Murderers murder. Thieves steal. Abusers abuse. Sexual predators use other people for their sexual gratification without regard to the best interest of their prey – and it doesn’t really matter whether their prey says “yes” or not, it’s still toxic. We don’t shrug our shoulders and say that a murder, a thief, or an abuser should “be themselves” and that the rest of the world should accept them and encourage their self-expression in these areas.

            I feel the need to expand on this further. People say we have no right to say anything about what happens between “two mutually-consenting adults” but think about this. Rape isn’t rape because the victim said “No” and the rapist didn’t back off. Rape is rape because the rapist is attacking the victim sexually – is using that victim sexually in a way that is meant to do harm. Who the victim is may not matter beyond being convenient or being a type. In other words, rape dehumanizes the victim. So would no any sexual encounter that dehumanizes or is meant to harm (even if no harm is done) be rape? Could it not possibly be said that any sexual conduct that is not done for the benefit of the other, building the other up, or as an expression of love – not lust, not attraction, but loving the other participant is toxic – or maybe even rape?

            I don’t know, but here’s a tough question… is your disagreement with that idea because it interferes with someone else’s desires, or because it interferes with yours? Is the thrill because of a mutual, committed inter-dependency, or is it because there is no commitment, because it breaks taboos and traditional social conventions? Who are you copulating for, and perhaps more importantly, how much of the time is it really just for your pleasure? I don’t want to know the answers – but maybe you should want to consider the questions.