Lovoingkindness 1

 She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. (Proverbs 31:12)

            I got word from my Sunday School teacher that our next topic is going to be lovingkindness, and since this coming Sunday is Mother’s Day, he suggested we look at examples from Scripture of mothers and other women who demonstrate that characteristic. As a variation on that, today’s verse looks at a mythical, paragon of all virtues, the Proverbs 31 woman. What reveals her lovingkindness?

            The first thing, and the topic of today’s passage, is that she does good, not harm. I’m listening to the Caterbury Tales, and the Wife of Bath provides an excellent counterexample. She teaches that women should tolerate nothing less than complete control over every aspect of their lives and their husbands’ lives and property. What is good for the husband doesn’t matter in the least.

            Unfortunately, there’s a lot of wives of Bath around today. The Feminist movement should put her picture on their posters and protest signs. But even among those who aren’t part of the social justice cult, even among those who claim to be Christian, there is a tradition of women being taught that they must “civilize” their husbands rather like one would civilize a stray dog. They take them in, clean them up, resolve any parasitic and medical issues, dress them in better clothing, and train them to behave according to the women’s preferences.  (I realize that’s a brutal way of putting it, but how many of us delight in the story, Beauty and the Beast?)

            The P31 woman isn’t like that. IT doesn’t say she does good to him. It says she does him good. Yes, doing good includes giving wise counsel, but it doesn’t involve treating him like a child. She becomes his partner. She acts in ways that won’t reflect badly on him. She doesn’t abscond with his property, or their property, to do as she will. She doesn’t behave in ways that would lead to scandal or shame to him. She is honest, kind, self-controlled, and humble.

            How does all of that demonstrate lovingkindness? Another of my Sunday School teachers once described kindness as giving you a piece of bread when you’re hungry. Lovingkindness involves slathering your favorite bread topping (peanut butter, for example) on the bread first. A woman demonstrates lovingkindness when she goes above and beyond what is culturally required to be a benefit to her husband, not in order to look like a good, devoted wife, but because she wants to please her husband.

            Lovingkindness is also involved when a woman takes an interest in her husband’s interests, and when she learns something new that can help him. Children used to grow up learning their father’s trades. When girls married, they became apprentices to their husband’s trade, which made it convenient for them to marry men who were following in their fathers’ footsteps. They were the power behind the “throne” that was presented to the world, behind the figurehead that was the “man of the house.” Lovingkindness involved becoming a master of her craft.

Lovingkindness, then, is living up to the best standards for the benefit of someone else.