Anger, and Hearing, and Talking

             My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry (James 1:19)

 

Pat Benatar sang a rousing anthem, “Invincible” in which she declared, “We have a right to be angry!” Black Lives Matters and other groups regularly raise their fists in the air with the same proclamation. I’ve written before that I used to look for things to get angry about, because it helped me focus and gave me energy. But anger has costs, and one of those costs is loss of control. I’m not referring to someone flipping out, exhibiting road rage or anything that most people would notice immediately. I’m referring to the idea I shared recently that habits are hard to break. If anger becomes your coping mechanism, your automatic reaction, or your weapon of choice, sooner or later, you will find it a matter of your character – something that eats at you constantly, like the need for a drug. Being slow to anger, then, is for your benefit at least as much as it is for theirs.

But as I read this verse this time, I find myself with an interesting, not quite paradoxical thought. It says we’re to be quick to hear. This is one of my problems. If I don’t hear quickly, I don’t have the patience. I interrupt to help the person along. I’m basically rude. I may not mean to be, but especially at work, there are people waiting in line! There are times when I am told that I’m very patient because I listen, and listen, and listen, but I suspect I still end up being rude in my behavior while I’m listening. I sometimes do better at listening if I am rude by doing a repetitive task while I’m listening.

So it occurs to me that I don’t need to be quick to hear. I need to be slow to hear. What Scripture says is true, so the strange solution that comes to mind is that I need to be quick to be slow to hear.

            As for being slow to speak, this is why I prefer heavy duty discussions to be written. That way I have a chance to think about what’s being said. More often than not, I don’t think enough, and I am too quick to respond, but if the person is right there, and has asked for an answer, I feel  like a failure if I don’t give one. Conversation is supposed to be a two-person sport, after all. You talk, I talk, you talk… When that turns into you write, I write, you write, it provides breathing space.

            But it looks like there’s work to begin