Go Ahead...

 “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,  and do not give the devil a foothold. (Ephesians 4:25)

 

Now here’s a topic about which we tend to be dishonest. “I’m not angry!” we say as we slam a door, turn our backs, or grit our teeth. And at least part of the time, we believe it. The rest of the time, we think we’re justified. And we may be justified.

Scripture doesn’t tell us not to get angry. It tells us not to sin in our anger. It tells us not to stew in our anger. One of the problems we face as we start over is that we tend to make such decisions as, “I will not get angry.” And when we find ourselves angry ten minutes or two days later, we have failed and have to “start over” over again. It’s not even surprising that we grow angry with ourselves over our inability to avoid anger.

According to Dallas Willard, we generally respond in one of two ways when we’re angry. We either assault (fight) or withdraw (flight.) Our general approach to anger is to require others to prevent it. “Don’t make me angry. You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry,” says Bruce Banner.

Or we blame others for causing it. “But she is being so…difficult,” says the

Beast.

          Another thing we may do with anger is deny it. Years ago, someone told me they couldn’t handle my anger. As a result, I foolishly taught myself that my anger was wrong. I had to be strong, and protect other people from my anger.

          The definition of sin is that it is the thing that separates us from God or from others, and both assault and withdrawal effectively separate us from them. So as we look at the idea of changing how we handle anger as we start over, several ideas come to mind based on this passage. Accept and acknowledge your anger. Be proactive. Instead of attacking or fleeing, use it as a means to build a relationship. Sometimes, our anger isn’t even the person in front of us. Sometimes, we’re just angry, and we need to deal with that in a way that doesn’t build walls between us and those around us.

          Having just said not to let anger build walls, there are times when we need to keep anger from building walls within ourselves, too. Sometimes, we need to get away from others, to do something physical or work through something in our own minds. That’s not the same as separating yourself from someone.

          So go ahead. Be angry if the situation calls for it. Just adult while you’re being angry. Use the energy it provides to find solutions and build bridges, not barricades.