Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor, (Romans 12:10)
Devoted: To appropriate by vow; to set apart or dedicate by a solemn act; to consecrate.
When I read that definition, I thought of marriage and commitment, and I want to run away. I tend toward “all or nothing” thinking, and this tends to mean to me 24/7 at someone else’s beck and call, whether they’re reasonable or not. Having spent several years as a caregiver, the idea exhausts me just to consider it. I’m far better at being devoted to ideas, projects, or duties, but again, I don’t tend to be good at boundaries and end up burned out. This tells me that my idea of devotion is probably not correct.
And part of my problem is that I see
those to whom I am supposed to be devoted as needy, and the relationship
non-reciprocal. Sure, I’m supposed to be devoted to them, but where is their
devotion to me? If I’m supposed to give preference to them, where is their
giving preference to me? When do I get to be the “one another”? (Forget that when someone tries to show some preference or brotherly love, I’m
headed for the hills or slamming the castle door.)
The big problem here is that as
important as the passage is, there’s a prerequisite. Before we can be devoted
to one another in brotherly love, we need to have full “love tanks,” and the
only way to get those is by stopping at the God Love station. Once we do that,
we can be devoted to one another.
A second problem is that we need to
have a realistic perspective of what devotion is. If I’m devoted to a neighbor,
that doesn’t mean I am to give them every second and penny. It doesn’t
immediately or necessarily mean dying for them. It might mean keeping an ear open
for a call to us, or a shout at the dog that has escaped again. We don't need to knock on the neighbor's door four times daily to ensure the dog is still there. If the time
comes that they need us to die for them – we can address that question. Until
then, maybe we can be both devoted and relaxed.
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