Skip to main content

"And They'll Be Sorry"

             Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen. And he has given us this command: Anyone who loves God must also love their brother and sister. (I John 4:20-21)

“I’ll show them. I’ll show them all. I’ll be dead and then they’ll all be sorry for what they did to me.” The other day, a friend and I were talking about depression, and I shared that this idea was one that I had when I suffered from a bout of that ailment. Those may not have been the exact words, but the idea was there. She shared about a time when the same sort of idea came to her mind when she was angry. A variation I’ve heard recently is, “…I’ll leave and then they’ll all be sorry…” It’s an example of the sort of bad thinking we can fall into when we’re too caught up in negative emotions: too angry, too depressed, too hurt….

The good news is that neither I nor she died. The bad news is that on those occasions that I did leave some organization, no one raced after me and asked me to stay. Even people I counted as friends got the message and begged forgiveness. From my point of view, they were probably glad to see me gone. I’m not saying that they were glad, but they didn’t seek me out to learn why I left and I decided a long time ago that I was not going to attack anyone by revealing it.

I can’t say the events involved don’t still sting sometimes, if I dwell on them. But I know that God used the events to do me good, so how can I bear a grudge? The spotlight today is the reaction of “I’ll ______ and they’ll be sorry” or “I’ll show them.” There are times when it is necessary to remove ourselves from someone or some group for the safety and well-being of all concerned. That’s not what’s described here. This is the use of withdrawal as a weapon. And I must note that this is entirely different from “I’m angry and want some time to cool down.”

The point of “I’ll _____ and they’ll be sorry” is to punish them or cause them pain. As several people, including Nelson Mandela, have said, “Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” Various people have defined love as earnestly seeking what is in the best interest of the beloved and desiring a healthy relationship with them. If that’s the case, then seeking to hurt them is not loving them. Seeking to hurt ourselves (even by removing ourselves from what we are supposed to love) as a means of hurting them is not loving ourselves. Once again, it’s all about relationships.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Right Road

          Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. (Psalm 139:7-12)                  For years before GPSes existed, I told people I wanted something in my car that would tell me, “Turn left in half a mile…turn left in a quarter mile…turn left in 500 feet… turn left in 100 feet…turn left now …You missed the turn, Dummy!” The problem isn’t necessarily that I get lost so much as I’m afraid I’ll get lost. I don’t want to have to spend my whole trip stressing over the next turn. I have the same problem with my spiritual journey.   
Post a Comment
Read more

Died as a Ransom

                 For this reason Christ is the mediator of a new covenant, that those who are called may receive the promised eternal inheritance—now that he has died as a ransom to set them free from the sins committed under the first covenant. (Hebrews 9:15)                  This is something I’d really rather not think about but here it is and it’s important. I was reading in Bold Love about seeking revenge.  The author wrote of seeking justice when a supposed Christian does something sinful, harmful, and/or horrific, like sexually abusing a daughter.  And the thought that came to mind was of God asking if Jesus’ death was sufficient payment to me for the sin committed against me.                I have no specific longing for revenge, vengeance, or justice. I’m sure there are some lurking somewhere in my heart, but this wasn’t a response to one. It was more a question of principle. Jesus’ death was sufficient payment for to God for our sins.  That’s the standard Sunday Schoo
1 comment
Read more

Out of the Depths

  Out of the depths I have cried to You, Lord. Lord, hear my voice! Let Your ears be attentive to the sound of my pleadings.   If You, Lord, were to keep account of guilty deeds, Lord, who could stand? But there is forgiveness with You, so that You may be revered. I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and I wait for His word. My soul waits in hope for the Lord more than the watchmen for the morning; Yes, more than the watchmen for the morning. Israel, wait for the Lord; for with the Lord there is mercy, and with Him is abundant redemption. And He will redeem Israel from all his guilty deeds . (Psalm 130)             I like Mr. Peterson’s interpretation of the first line. “The bottom has fallen out of my life!” Of course, the problem for some of us is the fact that we’re drama queens, and/or we’re weak. Any time anything happens that disturbs our sense of mastery and control, the bottom has fallen out of our lives. If the past couple of days have taught me anything, they’ve t
1 comment
Read more