Do To Others...

             So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets. (Matthew 7:12)

 

This issue has come to mind a few times, and I generally run away.” To do to others what we would have them to do us, we have to figure out what we would have them do to us. It seems to me that I’m all over the map about what I would have others do to me (or for me.)

One day, my mother came home from work and had me get out some paper. We pasted clippings of the words good and news from newspapers and magazines onto a sheet of paper and wrote it in a variety of ways. She explained that she’d seen someone at work who grew up near Mom’s home town, and had asked if she’d had any good news from home. Mom signed the page, “A. Nony Moose” and managed to deliver it without being discovered.

 I want to be A. Nony Moose. I want to be invisible and do things to or for people without their knowing it’s me. I want to say things that make them think without their getting stuck on the fact that I said it. And, I have to admit, I frequently treat people as if they are invisible. I suspect it offends them.

The truth is, it has offended me, too. Yes, I want to be A. Nony Moose, but I also want to be valued. I want that value to go beyond what I’ve done to them or for them lately. I want to be valued for myself and for what I do. I haven’t figured out how to balance or interweave the two.

 I like to debate – or to discuss ideas. I don’t insist – or necessarily want people to agree with me, but I argue energetically and at length in favor of my beliefs and I want them to consider what I’ve said. I suppose what I’m saying is that I want them to actively listen (or read) and understand, even if they don’t agree. I can’t say I’m good at that.

I believe I want to help people, but I recognize that I tend to be pretty direct – blunt, bullying? – in my approach to people whom I decide need help to understand things differently than they do. At the same time, I’m not fond of others deciding to be direct, blunt, or bullying in their approach to me.

I don’t think I’m alone in my “two-handed” desires and practices, but our confusion in that regard is only the first of the problems. The second problem is stress. It could be called “fight or flight” as well. When we interact with another person, more often than not, the question of how we want to be treated goes out the window. We’re too busy with the interaction to reflect on anything. If we do try to figure these things out, we’ll likely be told that we are “over-thinking.”

But I’ve brought us here before. The solution is simple and difficult. We need to pray for God to bring the question to mind, first in circumstances that are low stress, so we can practice and develop a habit. If we can find a partner who will keep us accountable, it will help. At the same time, it will be hard because most of us would rather be right than treat someone as we want to be treated.