Gentleness

             Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. (Colossians 3:12)

Compassion, kindness, and humility lead us to putting on gentleness. When you handle an egg or fine china, you tend to watch what you’re doing. You don’t want to break them. When you’re handling someone’s soul, the same rule applies. You not only need to be careful in what you’re doing, but you need to know what can be done without harming the one being helped.

One can use several levels of force: none at all, not enough, a little less than enough, enough, a little more than enough, too much, and violating boundaries. Where our help falls on this continuum is judged by the person being helped, consciously or otherwise. Being gentle requires that we use no more force than is necessary. When one plants a seedling, one needs to provide it with what seems like a little too much water. The goal is to decrease the amount of water provided so the plant’s roots have to spread and become stronger, which makes the plant stronger. The same is true with helping people. At first, “too much” aid may be needed, but the goal is to help them dig deeper and grow roots that will let them provide for themselves.

There’s another reason humility is vital when we’re encouraging, comforting, or engaging in spiritual warfare. When you help someone, that person may start out with self-pity or another unhealthy self-focus. They sometimes turn from that to a focus on the helper. This might seem flattering, but it’s also unhealthy. In addition, the one helping may also turn the focus from helping the other to unhealthy absorption with the person being helped or an unhealthily favorable (or unfavorable) impression of his/her role or success. What we need to remember when we’re helping is that it’s not about us. It’s about the person we’re helping and what is good/best for him/her.