Skip to main content

Loving God...

             Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. (Psalm 139:23-29)

It may be the time of year and the changes I’m facing or will be facing soon or any of several factors, but my anxiety or anticipation levels are elevated. Last night as I was not falling asleep, I found myself fussing over the fact that I was thinking about falling to sleep and not falling to sleep instead of praying. Even more, I thought about those instead of praising God and worshipping. Unfortunately, the only thing I could think of to praise God for was what amounted to a soulless grocery list of characteristics. “OK, Lord, You’re perfect. You’re omniscient. You’re love. Blah, blah, blah. All true, but it was rather like reading the phone book. That led to recrimination about how little and cold my love for Him must be.

And then the passage above was the day's verse on my Bible platform this morning. Not exactly a mood-lifter but it fits. And as I think about last night and my soul-searching over love for God, one of the things that comes to mind is my love for my dad. I would not say I loved him. If he had been Lear, I would have been Cordelia - having nothing to say to prove this thing Lear called love. My heart doesn’t overflow with words. Yes, I did what I could to take care of him. I tried to do what was good for him, but that emotional thingy known as “love”? I had duty in its place. Somehow, I think that’s a poor substitute.

Returning to the idea of loving God, especially when I’m disappointed with my heart’s contents and my thoughts are - ahem - deranged (spoiler for next Wednesday, this will probably be my word of the week), a video I saw comes to mind. In it, someone talks about a marriage and says that marriage being 50/50 is nonsense. I agree. I think it should be closer to 100/100. But the person said there are times when one spouse has maybe 20, not 50. It’s been a long, hard day.

And the other spouse may say, “That’s OK, because I’ve got 80 right now.” That’s grace!

The problem arises when one spouse is 20 and the other is 35. Then they need to figure out what to do to fix the situation. Loving God with all our hearts may involve saying, “I’m sorry, God, but right now, I only have a 10.”

And God, who is limitless, can make up the difference.  Again, that’s what grace is. But that is precisely why we need God to search our hearts. Sometimes, there’s more there than we think; sometimes, we can’t find it. But God can. And He can provide for us when we lack. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

"Especially to those who belong to the family of believers."

Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers. (Gal 6:10)   “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.   By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” (John 13:34-35)           Joshua grinned when he saw Rex standing by the door, studying something on the ground. "Hey, man! Are we ready to do this thing?"          Rex looked up. "Josh, I can't do it. We're still best buds, but I can't stand your fiancée."           I've met "Rex" many times. I've been Rex. Joshua (Jesus) loves the Church. He's not a fool. He knows the Church is far from perfect, but she is His chosen bride. The Rexes of this world, who think themselves His friend, turn away from her. "You don't need the Church to...
Post a Comment
Read more

Ssssssubmmissssssionnn

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ . (Ephesians 5:21)             "Ssssssubmmisssssssionnn." Can't you just hear the serpent hissing this most horrible of words? If you listen to the serpent or the world, submission means groveling, allowing yourself to be abused, denying yourself your own humanity. Nothing could be worse than submission, could it?             Submission has never been a problem for me, as long as things are going the way I want them to. The rest of the time? Well, let's just say that while I don't know how to fight physically, I don't know how to not fight mentally. One of the fights I've been having with myself for years is about submission.             My first breakthrough took place on a trip to a bookstore. As I walked into the store, my thoughts were very clear. 1) I was goi...
Post a Comment
Read more

Shark Fins, Triple Dog Dares, Heroes, Villains and Sidekicks

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12)            There's a scene in Jaws in which someone sees a shark fin and starts a panic. As   all the swimmers scramble to shore, boats surround the fin, which falls over to reveal two kids. With several guns pointed at them, one of the kids points at the other. The message is clear: it was his idea. In Christmas Story, there's a scene in which one kid "triple dog dares" another to do something stupid. Since it's a triple dog dare, well, what choice does the boy have? There doesn't seem to be any end to the trouble that peer pressure can cause. ...
Post a Comment
Read more