Skip to main content

Loving God...

             Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. (Psalm 139:23-29)

It may be the time of year and the changes I’m facing or will be facing soon or any of several factors, but my anxiety or anticipation levels are elevated. Last night as I was not falling asleep, I found myself fussing over the fact that I was thinking about falling to sleep and not falling to sleep instead of praying. Even more, I thought about those instead of praising God and worshipping. Unfortunately, the only thing I could think of to praise God for was what amounted to a soulless grocery list of characteristics. “OK, Lord, You’re perfect. You’re omniscient. You’re love. Blah, blah, blah. All true, but it was rather like reading the phone book. That led to recrimination about how little and cold my love for Him must be.

And then the passage above was the day's verse on my Bible platform this morning. Not exactly a mood-lifter but it fits. And as I think about last night and my soul-searching over love for God, one of the things that comes to mind is my love for my dad. I would not say I loved him. If he had been Lear, I would have been Cordelia - having nothing to say to prove this thing Lear called love. My heart doesn’t overflow with words. Yes, I did what I could to take care of him. I tried to do what was good for him, but that emotional thingy known as “love”? I had duty in its place. Somehow, I think that’s a poor substitute.

Returning to the idea of loving God, especially when I’m disappointed with my heart’s contents and my thoughts are - ahem - deranged (spoiler for next Wednesday, this will probably be my word of the week), a video I saw comes to mind. In it, someone talks about a marriage and says that marriage being 50/50 is nonsense. I agree. I think it should be closer to 100/100. But the person said there are times when one spouse has maybe 20, not 50. It’s been a long, hard day.

And the other spouse may say, “That’s OK, because I’ve got 80 right now.” That’s grace!

The problem arises when one spouse is 20 and the other is 35. Then they need to figure out what to do to fix the situation. Loving God with all our hearts may involve saying, “I’m sorry, God, but right now, I only have a 10.”

And God, who is limitless, can make up the difference.  Again, that’s what grace is. But that is precisely why we need God to search our hearts. Sometimes, there’s more there than we think; sometimes, we can’t find it. But God can. And He can provide for us when we lack. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Right Road

          Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. (Psalm 139:7-12)                  For years before GPSes existed, I told people I wanted something in my car that would tell me, “Turn left in half a mile…turn left in a quarter mile…turn left in 500 feet… turn left in 100 feet…turn left now …You missed the turn, Dummy!” The problem isn’t necessarily that I get lost so much as I’m afraid I’ll get lost. I don’t want to have to spend my whole trip stressing over the next turn. I have the same problem with my spiritual journey.   
Post a Comment
Read more

Died as a Ransom

                 For this reason Christ is the mediator of a new covenant, that those who are called may receive the promised eternal inheritance—now that he has died as a ransom to set them free from the sins committed under the first covenant. (Hebrews 9:15)                  This is something I’d really rather not think about but here it is and it’s important. I was reading in Bold Love about seeking revenge.  The author wrote of seeking justice when a supposed Christian does something sinful, harmful, and/or horrific, like sexually abusing a daughter.  And the thought that came to mind was of God asking if Jesus’ death was sufficient payment to me for the sin committed against me.                I have no specific longing for revenge, vengeance, or justice. I’m sure there are some lurking somewhere in my heart, but this wasn’t a response to one. It was more a question of principle. Jesus’ death was sufficient payment for to God for our sins.  That’s the standard Sunday Schoo
1 comment
Read more

Out of the Depths

  Out of the depths I have cried to You, Lord. Lord, hear my voice! Let Your ears be attentive to the sound of my pleadings.   If You, Lord, were to keep account of guilty deeds, Lord, who could stand? But there is forgiveness with You, so that You may be revered. I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and I wait for His word. My soul waits in hope for the Lord more than the watchmen for the morning; Yes, more than the watchmen for the morning. Israel, wait for the Lord; for with the Lord there is mercy, and with Him is abundant redemption. And He will redeem Israel from all his guilty deeds . (Psalm 130)             I like Mr. Peterson’s interpretation of the first line. “The bottom has fallen out of my life!” Of course, the problem for some of us is the fact that we’re drama queens, and/or we’re weak. Any time anything happens that disturbs our sense of mastery and control, the bottom has fallen out of our lives. If the past couple of days have taught me anything, they’ve t
1 comment
Read more