Skip to main content

Bwaigda


            The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? 
           "I the LORD search the heart and examine the mind, to reward a man according to his conduct, according to what his deeds deserve.” (Jeremiah 17:9-10)

            Riding my bike the other morning, I thanked God for guiding me in the past. I thanked Him for guiding me in the future because if there is one thing I believe that I really believe (I said) it is that God will guide me. I have three weeks before I relocate and have to set up my other half-life, with many questions about what that is supposed to look like, but I know God will guide.
           I got off my bike and decided to get the breakfast dishes out of the way. In the midst of scrubbing oatmeal "glue" from a bowl, anxiety kicked in. What was wrong? Nothing. Just amorphous anxiety, my heart grabbing hold of the leash of that same old rabid dog that has bitten it before. I think it's name is Bwaigda ("But What Am I Gonna Do About.") 
       Didn't I just say that the one thing I knew was that God will guide me? Yep. Is it any less true? No. But my heart, oh, my heart likes to be in control. It likes to tell me stories. Unfortunately, the stories it tells aren't really good stories. They're often stories of baseless fear, amorphous anxiety, anonymous anger, and spectacular revenge. They aren't the source of the sort of behavior for which I want to be rewarded. 
         This time, I noticed what I was doing and thought about what a good blog entry it would be. I let go of Bwaigda's leash before she bit me. My answer was that I was going to use her as an example to help others.  Does Bwaigda stalk you, too? Don't try to make friends. She's infectious and the cure is painful and only works if provided very quickly.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The List

              Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ,   through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance;   perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. (Romans 5:1-5)           Think about it. We have been justified. At least, we could be justified if we stopped insisting that our justification be based on our merits. We have peace with God, or could have peace if we stopped throwing temper tantrums. We have gained access into grace i...
Post a Comment
Read more

Listen!

  While he was still speaking, a bright cloud enveloped them, and a voice from the cloud said, “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased. Listen to him!” (Matthew 17:5)            Do you like roller coasters? I don't. You spend forever climbing a hill. You get to the top and have half a second, then you race down to a low point. Sometimes the racing down involves tying your insides into knots. At the bottom, you either have to be dragged up another hill or you get off the ride. Peter's life was a roller coaster from the time he met Jesus. There would be miracles, and then Jesus would teach things that didn't always make sense, and then they'd go out and perform miracles, and return to be taught. Peter was praised for giving the right answer to "Who do you say that I am?" Jesus said that said answer came from God. Peter was at the top of the hill.            ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Prayer Lists

                 Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation, now that you have tasted that the Lord is good. (I Peter 2:2-3)   In connection with what I wrote yesterday about the possibility that I’m wrong, I’m feeling the need to go back to basics - craving spiritual milk because somehow, I missed something. It’s a little embarrassing, craving milk like a newborn, but the truth probably is that we are newborns many times in many ways in our lives. From God’s perspective, we may never be anything more than newborns, forever needing that milk. On the other hand, being a newborn can also be exciting because so much is new. My mind is playing pinball - ricocheting from one idea to the next and through six more before it happens to hit the third again. The main topic is prayer. I have at least seven organizing structures all somewhat influenced by the movie War Room , which I’v...
Post a Comment
Read more