Our Widows

Give proper recognition to those widows who are really in need. But if a widow has children or grandchildren, these should learn first of all to put their religion into practice by caring for their own family and so repaying their parents and grandparents, for this is pleasing to God. The widow who is really in need and left all alone puts her hope in God and continues night and day to pray and to ask God for help. But the widow who lives for pleasure is dead even while she lives. (I Timothy 5:3-6) 

          This is a passage that has troubled me for a couple reasons. The first is that I always intended to put my religion into practice by taking care of my widowed parent. I always thought that would be my mother, but that’s not how it’s turned out. The bigger problem is that I always assumed that somehow, I would be doing this from a position of capability. My finances were supposed to be used to pay his bills, not the other way around. I don’t know that it’s just that it’s humiliating to not be able to do that, but it feels wrong. I feel like a failure because I can’t live up to my dreams. The other problem is that as a single, I can never be a widow. I may be an orphan eventually, but how many people think in terms of the needs of an orphan who is old enough to be a grandmother?

         Helping Dad gives me a chance to work on my story, which I hope will be the beginning of a career in writing. I can do that wherever I am. The second problem will also be helped by that career, but I tend to think about it most often when I’m working in the yard, mowing grass or removing snow. I have some elderly neighbors, who have families who do try to help their widowed parents. The probably do as good a job as I do, but I don’t think I do a good job. I think about them, and what it’s like to have to call for someone to help who has their own life to live. I also know how demanding an older person can be, even if they don’t want to be, and I wonder what will happen when I am that older person making life difficult for someone who is trying to help.

          Paul gives Timothy instructions. The family is the first provider. It’s an inconvenience, but a family that does not provide the primary care of a widowed parent is wrong – and I’m not only talking about money. Those who put parents in old folks’ homes may need to - but they also need to be there daily to check on things and insure proper care. 

          The Church is the second line of care. This is the one I think about most when I’m doing yard work. I think about individual churches starting abbeys and monasteries of sorts, providing housing and supervision for their members who need it. I think about youth groups or younger adults working their way down a list of older folks to help with lawn mowing, or occasional gardening, errand running or snow removal. I think about younger women or men calling every night just to make sure the person is still alive and well, or inviting widows to Sunday dinner.

          I don’t know that these things are what are really needed. I know that my moving newspapers is appreciated during the winter, and I’ve been trying to remember to do little things where I can up north, like returning garbage cans to the side of the house/garage and spraying a neighbor’s sidewalk and driveway with vinegar weed killed when I do my own. I dream of being able to do some real good in this area. 

          When Churches talk about helping, often they think about those living in poverty in the slums of the city. Those people do need help, but are we also helping those closer to home?