Wanted: Deacons' Wives

In the same way, their wives are to be women worthy of respect, not malicious talkers but temperate and trustworthy in everything. A deacon must be the husband of but one wife and must manage his children and his household well. (I Timothy 3:11-12) 

            When I read this chapter, I wonder why Paul talks about deacons, then talks about deacons’ wives, then goes back to talk about deacons. It could be that the second half of today’s passage is an “Oh yeah, I forgot” situation, but my understanding of inspiration doesn’t sit well with that. I “Oh, yeah, I forgot,” but God doesn’t. 
            This morning, an idea has come to mind. What if what’s said about the deacons isn’t really as much about the deacons as it is about the wife? The husband was the public face of the family. He was held responsible for the behavior of the members of the household, but the wife was the functional head of the household. It was her responsibility to see to the daily needs. For a deacon to manage his children and household well, his wife needed to be a Proverbs 31 woman.

A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar. She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls. She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks.  She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night. In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers. She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy. When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet. She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple. Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land. She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes. She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.” Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate. (Proverbs 31:10-31)           

            To be that sort of woman, you don’t have time to mess around with pretend relationships, to gossip with the girls, or to be long on promises and short on follow-through. The wife of a deacon was had to be a female deacon, his equal and match in behavior and attitude, an active participant in the business of being a deacon even if she was only listed as “also starring” or even “with an appearance by.”
            For the past thirty-five years, I have wanted to be a Proverbs 31 woman, even if I never found a husband. I’m not there. I’m nowhere near it. I’ve made a little progress, but this is one of those areas in which I wish I could find a mentor – someone who would teach me the ropes patiently, firmly and well – and put up with my whining and arguing as I struggle with the learning curve. 
           We desperately need more deacons’ wives and Proverbs 31 women out there, even if they aren’t married or aren’t married to deacons.