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To Whom Shall I Go?

          On hearing it, many of his disciples said, “This is a hard teaching. Who can accept it?”
         Aware that his disciples were grumbling about this, Jesus said to them, “Does this offend you? Then what if you see the Son of Man ascend to where he was before!  The Spirit gives life; the flesh counts for nothing. The words I have spoken to you—they are full of the Spirit and life. Yet there are some of you who do not believe.” For Jesus had known from the beginning which of them did not believe and who would betray him. He went on to say, “This is why I told you that no one can come to me unless the Father has enabled them.”
          From this time many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him.
         “You do not want to leave too, do you?” Jesus asked the Twelve.
          Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We have come to believe and to know that you are the Holy One of God.”
         Then Jesus replied, “Have I not chosen you, the Twelve? Yet one of you is a devil!”  (He meant Judas, the son of Simon Iscariot, who, though one of the Twelve, was later to betray him.) (John 6:60-71)

          Joe[1] has repeatedly suggested that I should give up Christianity in favor of Agnosticism or Atheism. At one point, I told him that even if I left Christianity, I wouldn’t join the fowl mouthed, bar-hopping, drug-using crowd. Rejecting Christianity would not cause me to embrace its social opposite or its religious opposite. That life holds no appeal. He seemed disappointed. He was also disappointed that his arguments weren’t sufficient to lead me away from my faith.
          I’ve wondered what it would take to lead or drive me away from my faith. I suppose it would take for me precisely what he says it would take to lead or drive him to faith: absolute, incontrovertible proof of the opposite’s argument. Other people are more easily put off. That  was the situation with many of Jesus’ disciples. Their response to what Jesus said was, “Ew!” It was more than just aesthetics; the Law forbade the consumption of blood. In their minds, He was calling on them to do something Wrong.
         There are things in the Bible that are offensive. Some of them were offensive even back when they were said. Those who follow claim to follow Christ are often no better than some of the worst non-Christians. Sometimes, God seems to do things just to see if we’ll walk away. Ultimately, I think those tests are for our benefit, because it reveals to us how strong or weak our faith is, but those times are hard. I know there are times when I’ve walked away.
         I end up walking back. It’s like what Peter said when Jesus asked if the twelve would walk away. “To whom shall [I] go?” Some depart to other faiths, some to “no faith” and to the licentiousness that can entail. Others say they’re not leaving the faith, but they have no use for the Church, or don’t need a religion to be spiritual, or some other excuse to justify their doing whatever they want. They become their own gods.
          Sometimes, I wish I could even try one of those. For twenty-four hours, to become whatever other I choose. There are two problems. The first is that I see the world as I see the world. I couldn’t really change that for twenty-four hours. The best I could do would be to pretend. The second is that, while I don’t know much about the other possibilities, I know enough to know they wouldn’t satisfy. Jesus has the words of eternal life. His way is not like they others at its core. That tells me it’s not man-made. So, to whom shall I go?
          If there is no where else to go, then I need to come to terms with the offensive and hard things found in Scripture. I need to align myself with the reality found therein because I’m sure I’m not God and can’t dictate the rules of the universe to Him and it does no good to try to live a life of “Let’s pretend,” with the first rule being “Let’s pretend we aren’t playing let’s pretend.” I’ve found that when I look to understand what God has done instead of looking to condemn it, most of what He does makes sense. Because of that, when things don’t, I have learned to accept the mystery that will be explained later.



[1] His name has been changed, but he really does exist

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