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Comfort Technique


            Boaz replied, “I’ve been told all about what you have done for your mother-in-law since the death of your husband—how you left your father and mother and your homeland and came to live with a people you did not know before. May the LORD repay you for what you have done. May you be richly rewarded by the LORD, the God of Israel, under whose wings you have come to take refuge.”
             “May I continue to find favor in your eyes, my lord,” she said. “You have given me comfort and have spoken kindly to your servant—though I do not have the standing of one of your servant girls.” (Ruth 2:11-13) 

            What did Boaz do that led Ruth to say that he had given her comfort? If you read a little before today’s passage, you’ll see that he noticed her. He found out about her. He directed his people to treat her well, to keep her safe, and even to leave a little food for her to glean. In other words, he had his servants make life as easy as possible. He also acknowledged her as a person. He told her about herself in positive terms.
           I don’t think I’m very good at comforting others. My technique either tends to be “there-there” or something closer to encouragement. I think I’m equally bad at being comfort-able. Perhaps part of the reason for this is in personality. In The Five Love Languages, we’re told that people understand love in different ways. Comfort may be similar to love in this way. What comforts me might not comfort you. Another factor may have something to do with circumstances. If Ruth had been economically well off, the things Boaz did to comfort her wouldn’t have mattered. 
            So how do we figure out how to comfort someone? I think asking is one of the worst ways, but it may also be one of the best. When you ask someone how you can help them, you’re putting the responsibility for coming up with yet another solution on the person who is probably already overwhelmed. This is one of the things I ran into a lot last winter. Friends would ask what to do to help. All I could say is., “I don’t know!” What makes it worse is that I can’t ask, and I can’t accept what’s offered because doing either means that I am no longer invisible.
           What Boaz did for Ruth was to protect her, but also to make it easy for her to feed herself and her mother-in-law. What sort of safety do I need? What sort of food? What sort of safety do you need? What sort of food? In what way does either of us need to hear about ourselves in positive terms? This is part of the journey I’m on right now – and right now, as I wait for the ambulance to bring Dad home (they’re an hour and a quarter late) I’m on a part of the journey that seems to involve a two inch wide path along the side of a thousand foot cliff.

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