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How Not To Comfort


            When Job’s three friends, Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Naamathite, heard about all the troubles that had come upon him, they set out from their homes and met together by agreement to go and sympathize with him and comfort him. (Job 2:11)

           We’ve all had them. They show up with the best of intentions. They sit in horror, just sympathizing with how bad we have it. Of course, we have to consider the culture involved. Even today, I see instructions about just being with those who are struggling. Keep your mouth shut. Keep your advice to yourself. Just feel with them, we’re told. The idea of being the focus of observation for seven days, especially when I’m not a happy camper, may be worse than the problem that brought my “friends” there. In their culture, I suppose it was a sign of respect, but it makes me shudder.
         You know the story, when they finally start talking, they tell him the story their culture demands. “It’s Karma, dude! What you dished out is coming back to you.” That story seems to be part of human nature. If something bad happens, it’s your fault. If you just had more faith, or worked harder, or whatever. And the reason it’s part of human nature is that it’s true. Some of the problems and trials we encounter are our fault. I know that some folks think it’s wrong to blame the victim, but there is a place for looking honestly at a situation and recognizing that it is a consequence of something that the person did. The key here, I believe, is that it is a specific consequence of a specific action. This is where Job’s friends started going wrong. They didn’t have any evidence of any specific error on his part. It was like the claim used by evolutionists… “just look around, it’s obvious.”
         This is one of the ongoing debates between Liberals and Conservatives tend toward the “you did something wrong” answer, while Liberals reject the possibility that the victim is even capable of doing anything wrong. Both are more wrong than they are right, but both are also at least a little right. As comforters, we need to look at the reality and deal with the reality. There is a time to be with the victim, a time to do for the victim, and a time to step back and tell the victim that he can do for himself.

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