Wives...

          Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. (Ephesians 5:22-24)

          As I read this passage this morning, I had to laugh. If I were married, I’d have this down! If the standard for our submission is to be “as you do to the Lord,” it’d be no problem … because I’m not very good at submitting to the Lord. In fact, one of the best ways I’ve learned to tell that God is speaking to me is by my reaction: “No, no, no, no, no, no, no…” Eventually, I tend to run down to an “OK.” Submitting as I do to the Lord? Easy.

          Of course, that’s not really what the passage means, but I believe that’s how it’s functioned. It’s sort of like loving your neighbor as yourself. The better you are at loving yourself (properly and healthfully) the better you’ll be at loving your neighbor. The better job you do at submitting to the Lord, the better you’ll do at submitting to your husband, and vice versa.

         But in the past sixty years or so, we’ve been fed a lie. It begins, as Satan’s lies so often do, with a half-truth. “You are inferior to no one.” What makes that a half-truth is the exclusion of “except God, and His angels.” Once we swallow that bait, Satan hits us with the hook. “Therefore, you don’t have to submit yourself to anyone.”

         Those who preach this “gospel” most vehemently warn us that submitting to our husbands will result in our being barefoot, pregnant, and in the kitchen, demeaned at every opportunity, never allowed to reach our “full potential” or to find self-fulfillment. If women start submitting to their husbands, we’ll lose the right to vote, to own property, to choose the color of the paint on the walls… Sorry, I’m hearing echoes of the warnings made by Xerxes’ advisors when Vashti told him, “No.”

          My question to women who are so concerned about this danger of submitting to their husbands is, “Why did you marry someone who is such a disgusting pig that he would treat you the way you describe if you let him? Why did you marry someone you don’t trust, and whom you clearly don’t believe loves you? Why did you marry someone you believe is such a failure as the head of your household?” As likely as not, one of two answers comes back:

1)      Oh, not my husband, he’s not like that, but it’s insane to say that a woman is to submit to an abusive husband, and

2)      Given a chance, all men are like that. That’s why we mustn’t submit.

          The answer to the first question is, “then are you submitting to your husband? Once you have your relationship with him right, then maybe you can help others get theirs right, whatever that may mean.” The answer to the second is, “You need to stop hanging around with the sort of people who live that way. Find better friends.” Yes, no doubt, there are monsters out there, but unless your husband is one of them, do you treat him as you should? Or do you treat him like you’d treat one of the monsters?

          One last thing. Submission speaks to your valuing of your husband or your  God, not to his (or His) valuing of you. Submitting doesn’t mean you’re worth less (or worthless) or unworthy. It doesn’t mean you’re stupid or weak. It means you trust him, and love him.