How
precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How vast is the sum
of them! If I should count them, they would outnumber
the sand. When I awake, I am still with You. (Psalm 139:17-18)
I have three
reactions to this passage: doubt, jealousy, and something that I hope is akin
to David’s humble awe. Let’s start with the ugly ones. Doubt comes in as I look
at the passage logically. David would have had access to the Law. Certainly,
there are quite a few thoughts therein, but enough to “outnumber the sand”? Granting
poetic hyperbole, and the fact that God’s thoughts aren’t likely to be limited
to recitations of the Law, it still gets an “Oh, come on.”
One of the
reasons for that is that my mind likes to misunderstand this passage. I know
what it says, but I read it as saying that God’s thoughts toward me (or toward David in
the original) outnumber the sand. Somehow, David gives the impression that he’s
aware of those thoughts, if not as individuals, at least as their sum.
Maybe God
thought about David that much, but me? And that’s where the jealousy creeps in.
God performed miracles on David’s behalf. If this passage isn’t hyperbole, He
communicated with David almost constantly. And then there’s me. Sure, there
have been times when I believe I heard God’s voice, but… really? Outnumbering
the sand? At the moment, I’d be happy if He addressed the minor problems that take
up the majority of my attention. And now that I’ve whined about them, they’ll
probably resolve quickly – not because I whined, but because that was God’s
plan all along and I am just being impatient.
And it’s when I
get over myself and look just a little deeper than I find myself in complete agreement
with David. The reason I’m jealous of David is because God’s thoughts are
precious to me. I want to hear them, and I don’t tend to think that I do – not often
enough anyway. At least, I like to think that the reason I’m jealous is because
I want that prize and not just bragging rights.
But there is
nothing keeping me from hearing God’s Word except me. I can open the Bible any
time I want to. Somehow, in that part of my mind that is jealous, the Bible
doesn’t count. I want a special word from God. The thing is, if I’m not interested
in going where God’s Word is, or listening to the Word that we have, what’s
the likelihood that I’ll want to hear that special word? Is it going to be
inconsistent with what I’m rejecting? No. I’m the one whose thoughts are
inconsistent.
Today, thank
God for His incomparable Word, for the thoughts He has shared with us in
Scripture and in the universe around us. Even if He included us in His thoughts
only one time (and I believe it’s many more than one time) it is more than we
deserve. Step past the desire for the special and gaze upon His Word. Stand in
awe.
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