Even
before there is a word on my tongue, behold, O Lord, You know it all. You
have enclosed me behind and before, and laid Your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for
me; It is too high, I cannot attain to it. (Psalm 139:4-6)
Being noticed and
known is scary, as I’ve suggested in the past couple of days. at the same time, there is great freedom in
being able to be noticed and known without fear. I’m not talking about having
someone who doesn’t see your flaws, or who accepts them as though they aren’t flaws. In those cases, there is
always the chance that you will reveal something that is beyond what the other
can accept. No, the only way there can be the freedom I’m writing about is for
someone to know it all for what it is, and still love.
God was this person for David. David believed but no matter what he did
and no matter how much he suffered for the wrongs that he did, that ultimately
God would not reject him. He believed God loved him. When I'm thinking clearly,
I can understand this when I'm not thinking clearly there's always fear that somehow,
I'll step over the line once too many times or too far.
I think it might have been Gary Smalley who wrote about our souls as little
flowers. When the little flower is abused or the storm winds blow, it tends to keep
all of its petals closed up tight, protecting itself. Sound I associate with
that is “ugh.” but when the sun shines on it warmly and it feels kindness it blooms.
The sound that I associated with this is “Ah.” This latter sound is the sound
of being known.
One of the challenges about this being known is that we can’t be
comfortable with it unless we are willing to be honest with ourselves. If you
can’t accept what the one who knows you sees and knows, then you are not free
to be known. This doesn’t mean that we have to be happy with all we see in
ourselves. It means we can’t pretend, and even more, that we can’t insist that
others pretend.
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